Contented

Im sitting here tonight, so so contented,
- it may be the darker, cosier nights coming in.
- it may be that my friends are getting excited about my wedding (mainly Leigh, who I spent a while with on the phone to tonight)
- im chilling in my living room with other half and super cute kitty (tinkerbell) , watching 'Cocktail' with a Twix chilling in the fridge waiting on me devouring it with a cup of Tea.
- it may be the other half is so so grateful to me for putting together a spicy pasta bake and garlic bread (it did turn out fab and im proud of it).
- it may be that Carolyne is having very promising symptoms this month and I sooo hope this is her turn.
- it may be that 'Murgdan' was lucky 4, it has restored my faith, i may well be number 4, the other 3 have been lucky and im next in line.

It may be a lot of things.

A year ago now, I was getting blood tests for progesterone levels, i was naive in thinking that we would fall pregnant as soon as we made an appointment with the doctor, after all it happened to so many other we know. In a month from now, we would be given the news from the Dr that we would never conceive naturally, or that it would be very unlikely.

A year ago now 'Contended' would not have been a word I would have thought I would ever be able to use again.
But I am - I really am.
Its a hard road, but others on blogosphere have reminded me it CAN happen, it WILL happen, and for that im grateful and contented.

xx

Shit - im number 4

I have been worrying about being the 4th person for a wee while now.

Then Murgan over at 'Conceive this' wrote about things coming in 3's, and should we worry about being no 4.

Well im no 4.

Im a nurse as you know, and i work with a lot of females, as one would presume.

Female 1 - has a child, was trying for a 2nd, had some fertility testing, was on the very cusp of Clomid and then fell pregnant on her own, she now has a lovely Girl.

Female 2 - has a child, was trying for a 2nd, was referred for fertility testing and fell pregnant before consultation, she is sorting out her maternity leave stuff right now.

Female 3 - has a child, was about to start clomid that very month, tested 'just to be sure', and wonderfully found out she was pregnant, she is currently 13 weeks.

Im genuinely happy for each and every one of them.

In total there were 4 of us in the same boat, or a similar boat.

Im number 4.

What chance do I have. ??

Im trying to convince myself im different..

A - because i dont have a kid already.

B - because i have had the words ivf/icsi said to me.

Now does that make me exempt form the 'good things come in 3's' way of thinking ?.

I hope so, or I would be as well booking hysterectomy right now !

xx

Back to Life, Back to Reality

We are home from our break. The week just flew in.
We are both back to work tomorrow boohoo, but I suppose it has to be done.
Now the break is over the next thing we have to concentrate on is Christmas and the wedding.
oooohhhh the wedding, im gonna have to work super shifts to get saving for this !! eeeek.
The break has done us the world of good, as McDreamy very kindly told me today i looked much better....apparently before the holiday i was pale and looked really tired. Bless him for noticing.

Has anyone tried Fertility Plus for men......?? random question but i may start other half on it if its meant to be good, no harm in trying these things.

Anyway,
4 months till Christmas
8 months till the wedding
9 months till treatment starts

oohhh how the days will fly past.

The health kick and detoxing starts tomorrow i need to lose a good few pounds (like 28) before the wedding and honeymoon and ivf.
So wish me luck !. xx

holiday camp fever

I'm staying at a Haven holiday village. Its fab and great fun and cheesey and all that jazz, but seriously, unless you are a family of 4+ then you are soooooooo the odd ones out.
And since we are just a wee 2some I'm surprised we haven't been launched yet.
Everywhere you look there are tons and tons of kids, which is fab, and I know people come here because it is so good
and easier than trying to get your 46 kids on a plane but jeez oh, the population of scotland and england MUST be in this park.
It is so family and kid orientated I expect nothing else I just hope to be adding my own kid to the dancefloor to be rocking its socks to 'the revolution' or 'the court of king caractucus' one day. If you don't know what these are I suggest you 'you tube' them. Hilarious.
2some or not we are having a ball. We have our whole week planned out so far, circus tomorroe then pleasure beach on tuesday. With a few wee other things thrown in. Ill update as I go.
No one keeps bubba in a corner.
It took me all my time not to say that last line, but 4 cheeky vodkas down my neck later and my blackberry in my hand and I'm saying it like it is.
We come here twice a year, the digs are free and we know this place like the back of our hand. Its just too easy.
It is your total holiday camp, very dirty dancin style. I'm sure somewhere right now there is a dirty dancing basement happening.
I'm not there tho, I'm home in the caravan with my very own Johnny. Ha. I know your jealous, but seriously don't be.
Gorgeous? Yes he is !! Snake hips?? Far bloody from it !! I'm seriously thinking of booking dance lessons for the wedding.
Its past midnight so its night night from me, we have a date with Mooky tomorrow, he is a clown at the circus we are going to see. Should be fun.
Stay tuned.
Xx

Blogging from my Blackberry in Blackpool

I have this Blackberry and I don't know how to use it to its full potential. I can blog from it so I
intend too.
Up until recently this blog has been all about the infertility. Its the one - and only - part of my life that makes me unhappy. I have a lot of good things in my life that has not as yet been reflected in my blog.
I figure since my treatment starts next May that I have a lot of time to talk about and include the good things in life. I love blogging and want to blog much more often but as anyone waiting to go through ICSI knows, its a bloody slow process.
As most folk already know I'm 29 and I'm Scottish. That will explain why I say 'wee' and 'aye'. If you ever don't understand what I'm saying, stop me and ask, ill happily expain.
Okay so what are the great things in my life.
1. I have a fabulous boyfriend, my very own McDreamy, who is gorgeous, fit, and super sweet.
2. I'm marrying that fabulous man in April, after an 8 year engagement.
3. I'm then spending 2 whole weeks with him in a gorgeous 5 star resort in Egypt.
4. We both have good careers. I'm a nurse, specialising in acute care, recovery and extra shifts in intensive care. Gorgeous hubby to be
Works in sport and fitness.
5. We have a gorgeous home, its only part decorated to our own personal taste right now as far too much money is required for this wedding. We will get round to it though.
6. We have thee cutest little kitten ever, Tinkerbell. I didn't even like animals before. But I frickin love her.
So I have a lot of other stuff going on in my life other than wicked infertility. I think maybe its time I brought that out in my blog. I want to look back over my blog in years to come and not sink into a deep depression.
Right now I'm in Blackpool on a week long break with McDreamy. Its like a much cheaper and cheesier form of Benidorm with all the lights of Vegas.
We both love it, we get to just be ourselves and chill out away from all the pressures
of home.

Nothing New Here Then ....

I added this picture cos I love it, and I love dancing and I miss it, I danced for loads of years and even done the odd panto....i wish I could go back, but im about 2 stone heavier now - altho I have lost 9lbs - wooooo go me !!

I havent blogged for what feels like 100 years. I have nothing new to write and nothing exciting to tell you all....

Hmmm what has happened....

Well i got a confirmation letter from the hospital, so at least they know about us !!

I got a mole cut off my face, it started bleeding and swelling - i got the result back and its not cancerous - phew.

I got a new Blackberry phone !! Its super funky and super cool.

Im heading to Blackpool with Davie for a week since we cant afford to go abroad, I cant wait to just get time off work.

Tinkerbell (the new kitten) is 10 weeks old now, almost 11 and is doing really well, she is a wee cuite pie and obliterates any flying beasties that dare enter HER house !!

Im still working my butt off doing extra shifts in Intensive Care to pay for the wedding which is now only 8 months away !! Oh and im about to start helping immunise some of the population against Swine Flu - funny that since I dont think ill even be having the injection myself !!

Im getting new french doors put in next week, something or someone smashed the glass in my patio door and it needs fixed......damn wedding fund stung again !

Ohhhh talking of stung ...... do u remember i got stung on the butt a few weeks back, well there was a nest of the swines....I had to get the exterminators out to get rid of them ! eugh, gives me the heebies just thinking about it !

are you bored yet .......??

I am ???

I need some excitement, Caz nearly gave me a heart attack with her last post ....God damn it !

I got buzzed in the butt !!

Hey ladies and gents,....
wow i feel like I havent been here for ages !!!!

Firstly I have to tell you that i got buzzed by a wasp this morning - right in the bum !

It was agony. There I was 05.30am, just rolling over to continue my snooze for another while before having to get up for work, when I felt this almighty pain rip right through my butt. I jumped out the bed without even thinking, and there it was walking down my duvet, a frickin wasp - the swine just stung my butt (well, the crease at your butt and the top of your leg - which of course made it sorer the rest of today).....Grrrrrrr

Nothing much else to report for now. Still working. Still saving for the wedding. Working in my uncles pub too which is great fun.

Ohh oh oh, I got a wee letter from the clinic just confirming us as being on the waiting list there....I will hear from them soon for our first appointment !! Woo Hoo..

You may remember it was my friends wedding 7 weeks ago, she had told me she was going to try and fall pregnant right after her wedding...........well she is now 6 weeks !! Now thats impressive. Im so happy for her, but Jeez-oh, what a way to rub it in - lol..!