Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Monday, 15 December 2008
Sunday, 7 December 2008
Saturday, 6 December 2008
Friday, 5 December 2008
I work in Theatre/Recovery, so i get to know all the surgeons from all the specialities and all the anaesthetists - they are the dudes who have the ability to knock u off to sleep with one syringe of white 'milk' !! I love them - they are my fave...
Well after my dodgy cycle this month the fabby Mr Gynae man told me he was going to get me scanned....bearing in mind i saw him a week ago today, without an appointment and before his surgery started, and its usually 16 weeks referral from GP to Mr Gynae man meeting.....well..... got a letter in yesterday and my scan is a week on Monday !! How frikin fast is that !! well chuffed..
DF is having to have a shoulder op (Bankharts procedure - for those in the know) agony.. yes !!....He was having it done in another hospital local to us, but when i mentioned to one of the surgeons i work with, he asked if he could see him 2 weeks ago for a consult and now he has a date for surgery at my place.....on the 30th of this month !!!! Now thats service for you - Good old NHS !!
Like i say we dont get many perks - but if ur sick its a gr8 place to work!!
Next SA tests due in on tuesday !! Pray hard for lots and lots of swimmers !!!!.
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
On reading a bit more of icsi, im so so pleased to have this option if needed.....the chances of conceiving in any cycle is 30%....doesnt sound gr8 does it ???
30 %...hmmmm...!! almost one third ! Like a 1 in 3 chance !!
-I suppose i spend a third of my day at work ....it feels like a hell of a lot.....
-If i ate a third of a choclate cake i would feel quite sick ...
-If i was told i had a 1 in 3 chance of winning the lottery i would be frikin delighted ...(fingers crossed my baby will be my lottery win !!)
I MUST think like this.....and not be negative.......
I had a feeling or a thought the other day (unusual for me ..i know lol)..
When i was with my ex (for 5 years), no matter how hard i tried i could NEVER ever imagine our future i could never imagine living with him or being married or having children. Within a few weeks or maybe a month or 2 into meeting davie i knew so much i wanted to be with him and could totally imagine living with him and marrying him !! i could actually visualise this in my head !!....well the other day i was watching tv and suddenly had this vision thing in my head of davie creeping in the door after work asking if the kids were in bed ...notice i said kid(s)...not long after wards it happened again.....we have a massive living room window and its been snowing here....i imagined a wee toddler jumping up on the couch and looking out, banging and making messy hand prints on the window !!.....im so hoping that my feelings towards the future are true and something to cling onto....i really believe i will be a mother one day, we might just have to go the long way round !!
Monday, 1 December 2008
Ohhhh and another thing excited me today - af came !! now normally us infertiles and all those ttc HATE the sight of the old bag, but im ecstatic....my cycle is back on track !! woohoooo.
Anyway back to the tummy aches and wanting to eat crap, but at least my system is returning to some kind of normality..
So im going to enjoy the run up to chrimbo and eat and drink and be merry ...lol.. and after new yr the diet and exercise regime will begin....i have the wedding to organise and 2 weddings to attend not to mention getting in optimum conditon for the impending ivf/icsi, i know its not gonna be for about another year yet, but no harm in getting organised.....
Caz, i hope u get ur answers soon.....ur keeping calm very well !. x x x x
Friday, 28 November 2008
Could be a cyst, could be a polyp, could be a fibroid.....could be a case of vaginosis (wtf)...!!!
Something nasty is causing chaos inside me..... im 12 days late, still no sign of af, no baby but plenty of crappy stuff !!
saw the Doc this am, she took swabs and stuff, and ill get my results next week !! Gr8 fun eh !!
Awaiting an ultrasound - next set of SA tests are due on the 9th....Looks like we are a right pair of infertiles lol....it can only make us stronger !!!
Thursday, 27 November 2008
He took my bloods to check for hcg level, and it came back less than 5 so im not pregnant !!
Im ok with it im just so glad i finally know, i can finally breathe out !
Df is ok too, a bit dissapointed obviously but he is fine and has been a star !!
Gyn guy wants me to go for a scan to try and figure out why im 11 days late and whats going on - im happy with that as it gives me a head start for ferility treatment, and if there is anything wrong they can sort it quicker than finding it 4 weeks before ivf/icsi. So now its back to the idea of this .........
Ive taken a holiday tomorrow as well, i need it, and df is off too so we will have some well deserved time together !!
So for now we are back to concentrating on Christmas and the wedding. x x x
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
well 10 days late ..... got a line yesterday (a 2nd line that is)...it was pink , in fact its still there, but the one i done this morning was negative and the one after that was negative !!
so God knows whats going on....
Feel -so so so tired, yucky, like someone has stuck a needle in my arse and sucked every bit of life out of me, no appetite but if i can eat i feel better, jaggy boobs on and off, peing like a camel, had peachy coloured discharge on monday, and the BACKACHE.....oh my gosh the backache is a killer !!!!!!
So still dont know and am super pissed off now.....bye x
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Friday, 14 November 2008
I just dont get it !! x
Thursday, 13 November 2008
I am dealing with this crap just now and i hate it, im being more positive that i will be a mother one day, somehow and i just wish no one else in the world had to go through this......unfortunately many people are ....
If you could make a little house from used pee sticks and OPKs
If you talk in TTC acronyms nobody except people on the internet understand
If you have ever been stuck with any needles in order to achieve pregnancy
If you have had to stick yourself, or your husband has had to turn into your nurse in order to do it for you
If you've ever seen a blank ultrasound screen
If you know what a cootercam is
If you have ever gotten shower invites, family photos, or birth announcements in the mail and had a good cry
If you have watched someone go through an entire cycle of pregnancy in the time it took you to even try
If you have ever heard "just relax" or "it's not your time" or "it's God's will"
If you dread holidays because you cannot announce a pregnancy to your family
If you dread holidays because there are no children to share them with
If you have ever held a baby or child and quietly pretended for a second that they're yours
If you have ever walked around the store in order to avoid the baby/toddler section
If you cannot park in the front spots of a store because they are for pregnant and expectant mothers only
If you've ever had to go IN the baby/toddler section of a store in order to buy something for someone else's baby
If you've ever yelled out during watching a movie or tv show about someone who's trying for a baby, "That's SO not realistic!"
If you've ever sat around with a group of women who shared birth stories and labor pains and felt like you didn't fit in
If you've ever told anyone you are infertile and they're response was, "That sucks. I'm super fertile! I can have all the kids I want!"
If a fertile person ever told you that they would be your surrogate because they have no problem getting pregnant
If you have ever gotten a shower invite through email while sitting at work trying to forget about TTC
If you know what an RE is
If you have ever graphed out your cycle on chart paper
If you have ever checked to see if your cervical mucus was eggwhite or clear, or could stretch 5 inches between your fingers and you know people in the next stall over are thinking, "WTF is she doing in there?"
If you were disappointed that you couldn't find any
If you have kept a HPT or OPK in your purse to use when you were at work or out just in case
If you can't wait to see the peak symbol
If you have ever spat on a microscope in order to see ferns
If you laugh when people tell you to use pillows under your butt after sex
If you have picked out crib bedding or nursery decor online and you're not pregnant
If you have ever felt panic when seeing a pregnant lady
If you meet the criteria above, or you'd like to submit your own, please post the following award on your blog. This is for all of the women who will no longer be silent about their infertility. This is to remind you that you need not be ashamed and you are definately not alone. This is to remind you to speak up the next time someone gives you fertility assvice.
Rules for posting award:
Link back to this post so that others will read the original story behind the award
Nominate 4 others who have not been "silent about their infertility"
Enjoy speaking out and speaking up :D
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
** This wee cartoon is rude......if ur easily offended...dont read on !!**
I fekin hate google, its providing me with all the information i am asking it to provide me with....and im getting utterly pissed off, why does it have to be so efficient, why for once can it not just realise im typing out of neuroticness (i dnt care if its not a word - it is now - ok ) ...i dont really want it to answer me all the time !!!
Monday, 10 November 2008
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Dear Saint Anthony, your prayers obtained miracles during your lifetime. You still seem to move at ease in the realm of minor and major miracles. Saint Anthony, Performer of Miracles, please obtain for me the blessings God holds in reserve who serve Him. Pray that I may be worthy of the promises my Lord Jesus attaches to confident prayer. That i will be blessed with a child or children of my own. Amen.
PRAYER TO ST. NICHOLAS OF MYRA O Saint Nicholas, bountiful Father and special Patron of our Byzantine Catholic Church. You are a shepherd and teacher to all who invoke your protection, and who, by devout prayer, call upon you for aid. Hasten and save the flock of Christ from ravenous wolves; and by your holy prayers protect all Christians and save them from worldly disturbances, earthquakes, attacks from abroad, from internal strife, from famine, flood, fire, sword, and sudden death. As you had mercy on those three men in prison and saved them from the king's wrath, now also have mercy on me who by word, deed, and thought have sunk into the darkness of sin. Save me from the just anger of God, and from eternal punishment. Through your intercession and aid as well as through his own mercy and grace, may Christ our God allow me to lead a tranquil and sinless life, and save me from standing at "his left," but deem me worthy to stand at "his right" with all the saints. Amen.
Friday, 7 November 2008
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Saturday, 1 November 2008
Friday, 31 October 2008
Thursday, 30 October 2008
So more positive news, as a way of celebrating the end of this month i have decided im going to have a new me in November !! As of the 1st of November im starting my diet and gym routine...im going to make an effort to try and be a bit tanned up (i start this fake tanning routine but get bored easily), and im going to give myself little beauty treatment often and make sure i have lovely skin for christmas..
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Sunday, 26 October 2008
The restuarant was busy, full of groups of people or couples all out for the night - childless. I found myself looking at couples and wondering, have they got kids? if they do did they just get babysitters? - if they dont have any then they look so happy !! have they been through the same troubles with IF and have come out the other end childless but happy and content.......Will i be like them?? i know after a while if we had to hear the worst ever news that things would get better- there is no point in moping around forever - i just hope it doesnt come to that.
As i said to DF last night im so so so glad i met him all those years ago, i do believe i have found my soul mate with him, even if he had known way back then that there may have been an issue with children, i still would be with him - no question about it. I just dont want him blaming himself. Altho my bloods came back and im ovulating, i could still have blockages or something thats stopping his sperm meet my egg, everyone keeps saying it only takes 1, and if he has 600'000 then im sure one day one wee bugger could get through there...i Love him so much and i would be with him regardless.
Saturday, 25 October 2008
In this quest for our baby, im figuring that it would be best if i was in the best shape i could be. I am currently about a stone and a half to 2 stone overweight. I am going to attempt to become a gym bunny !!
If IVF is required i really dnt want some doctor telling me there is nothing that can be done until i lose weight or until my BMI is within whatever reasonable limit they have decided for this month...and at the same time my mum has said every time she lost a bit of weight she became pregnant !!! ...gotta give it a shot right!!
DF is the fittest guy i know, he trains at the gym, weight lifts and plays footie, he is so healthy that it is actually unfair his sperm count is low......all these guys out there who are on drugs and smoke and drink excessively and they are producing kids like theres no tomorrow !! Its an unfair world and thats for sure.
So as well as this blog being about out baby journey, it will incorporate our life in general and the journey to me attaining a new bod !! (and if it keeps me off google then all the better). x
We are getting through this together and thats the main thing for now !
Friday, 24 October 2008
I will begin at the very beginning.... (i promise no other post will be this long)...
Im 28, and Darling Fiance is 26, soon to be 27 on Christmas Eve. We have been together for 7 years on Christmas Day (engaged 6 yrs on Christmas Day)and are to be married in Cyprus in May 2010.
We started our first cycle of 'seriously' ttc in June 2008 (i was already ovulating in May when we had decided)...and so it began, ... symptom spotting ...2weekwait....period.....ovulating.....symptom spotting....2 weekwait......period.....and so on and blah blah and blah ! Naturally we thought we would get pregnant soon, we knew it could take up to a year so were kind of chilled out, apart from the vitamins, the timed baby dance(sex)sessions, the ovulation sticks, the hpt sticks, the cervical mucus checking ...ahem....yeh we were pretty chilled !
I cried for 3 days solid and couldnt face eating, every positive thought i mustered up was beaten up and drowned by 2 negative thoughts...but... i have finally pulled myself together, with the help of DF (darling fiance) he has been amazing !... and just when im getting back to some state of normality darling one crumbles..God Love Him !! ......im glad tho, he needed to, and has been slowly but surely better every day too !
So 7 days on im here...i have stopped crying ....so has he.....i am eating again......he never really stopped !!
and another sample is booked in...he is wearing loose boxers, taking vitamins not overheating his area.....he is still not on talking terms with his chooks but im sure that will resolve itself in time !!
We do the test on 9th Dec 2008 and get the results on 19th Dec - Merry Christmas Ho effin Ho !!! Please let it be better !!
Ironically the week we got 'THE' news my lucky bonsai tree died....every single leaf has fallen off. After some tender loving care its starting to get better slowly, it has some new leaves and is coming to life again...Sounds familiar !
I am feeling so much more positive and im sleeping better, its the waking i hate, for that split second where i dont know where i am - life is good- and then i get the familiar lurch deep in my stomach and everything come back to me in a sickening rush, rolling over and swiftly falling asleep again becomes increasingly difficult.
The doctors have mentioned that if the results stay the same we will need to consider IVF/ICSI to become pregnant and have the baby (squirt) we dream of !!