You should TOTALLY know better !!

Last night I was out at a hen party ! It was great fun and my feet are killing me, my ankles are skint from a dance off competition involving pole dancing (dont ask) and im shattered !!

Anyway, I got too hot last night and i popped off outside for some air, followed by a smoker, Lovely lady she was, praising my hair and my eyes and my teeth (she was blinded by alcohol)and my 'hot boyfriend' (her words - she had saw him earlier in the evening)- then she asked what age I was.....28 was the reply....and have you got any kids she asked.......i answered NO not yet (as nicely as i could)...well then it started ......

Her - oh you dont want to leave it too late ... you dont want to be putting your kids out to school at 40, i mean thats just wayyyyyyyyy to old !!

Me - (nervous laugh) hehe ok !

Her - i mean im not telling you what to do or anything but you really need to get a move on....

Me - **eyeing up her cigarette ready to stab her in the eye**

Her - I had mine at 28, and i needed IVF to have mine ......

I couldnt believe it, she has been through this, the pain , the secrecy, the awkward questions.....has she not learned, she should totally know better......

and so she went on .......

Her - Im just so lucky it worked for me ....(draws on the fag)......it only works for 1 in 4 couples you know, and well there were 3 other couples doing it at the same time....(draws on the fag again) so i guess we were the lucky ones (draws on the fag) ...hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

Me - ** No shit lady, shut the fuck up. (in reality I sat quietly in shock)

I was saved not long after by another smoker who changed the topic - thank the Lord !

20 minutes later she appeared up to me, someone had jump on her toe and ripped the nail off - it was literally hanging by a thread (it wasnt me - i swear).

In all honesty she was really nice, but has obviously not learned that there are just some things you dont keep going on about, I know my experince so far has taught me that I wont persistantly ask anyone about their child plans, you just dont know whats going on in someones life.

On a positive note I lost 3.5 lbs this week ! yay, xx

Picture Tagged

I was picture tagged, ive never been blog tagged before. Im frikin excited !!

This is a Lion. (no shit eh !! ) It was from a day at the safari park with our niece and nephew. We had a brilliant day and they had an absolute ball and were spoiled rotten. Not the most exciting photo but hey its the 6th picture in the 6th folder.

So The rules are thus:1. Find your sixth picture folder and in that folder, the sixth picture.2. Post it on your blog with some of the background of the picture.3. Tag four others and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been tagged.

I now have to tag 4 other people .......so i tag.

http://kamikazecaz.blogspot.com/

http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/ -

http://angryinfertile.blogspot.com/

http://infertilityonthebrain.blogspot.com/.

I have no idea how to rename these links so it just came up with a single name that you can click on. I apologise for being rubbish. xx xx

My Hero

The Results are in !! The Infertility Dude (who has no name yet, ill decide one when I see him on the 8th of next month) sent us a letter that we got this morning !!

Df sperm results are back at 2 million/ml - 2 feckin million/ml !!!!! Its doubled !! Last time we got them checked they were 1 million/ml (obviously, if they have doubled - duh). The time before that they were only 0.2 million/ml - so 2o0'000 wee guys in a wee ml of fluid !! They are increasing every time, thats great news, at least they arent diminishing or worse again dissapeared altogether.

Needless to say, Df thinks he is the bombdiggidy, strutting around, chest puffed out, shoulders widened and demanding to be called SuperSpunk. He is so rude, and so on that planet alone !!

Apparently now he can father all of your babies - at the same time ! SSSsshhh we wont wake him - wee sowel. He continues to be good and takes his vitamins so I have to praise him, he has been great.

Seriously though, we did get excited at that. Every time we have a new set of tests done the results get better and although we are still wayyy out of 'normal' limits it edges us that wee bit closer to being able to produce a miracle baby, and conceiving on our own. Obviously we are not pinning our hopes on that, we know we need treatment, but our increasing results gives us that little glittery bit of hope that we all want.

Check out this video, its fantastic !!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09kLIsNfaO8&feature=related

xx

On route !!

She is on her way - again ! Not that i expect anything but the damned witch to appear every feckin 28 days, but she will be here by the morning !!

I know this because im a crabbit, tired, headachy, emotional wreck, and df keeps kissing me on the head, i think its to keep me sitting down. He also took me out for pizza tonight - that was to shut me up for 10 minutes ! I know all his tricks now.

In good news we got a new car today, its the 'family' car, we just need the family now! lol.

We decided to car share to save some pennies, currently we both have a car each and its silly, we are always together and one car lies stationary against the kerb. So we have got rid of our cars and bought a lovely new car and we are going to try hard to make it work. It will save us about £300 per month, quite a lot considering we are saving up for a wedding.

I have had a lovely week off on holiday and the weather has been great but back to it tomorrow. Shit. I want to be a stay at home wife/mum/lazy beatch. I dont really i would get so bored.

Its Mothers Day on Sunday, Df was going to buy me a bright pink potted plant as a 'Wannabe A Mothers Day' gift. We bought them for our own mums instead.

Im rambling now in my emotional PMT state. so im going to bed in the hope I get a good sleep tonight !!.

xx

3rd Time Lucky

Its detailed SA sample time today. This is the 3rd one, 3rd time lucky maybe?? maybe he wont have a problem after all - wishful thinking !

Hopefully its the final sample DF has to hand in before we are doing ICSI.

He is such a trouper, having read more than a few blogs i understand that not all men are compliant with this, it makes them feel less of a man, or they are just simply embarassed. My DF has been great from the start, i didnt have to twist his arm to start these tests and he doesnt have a problem with doing his stuff in a cup and running over to the clinic with it. Im so happy with this - it definately makes it easier.

I love him more for making this easier, I Love him more as i dont have to coax him every step of the way, I love him more as we are on the same page on this journey - he definately has my heart and I cannot wait to marry him next year and have his child(ren).

I assumed the previous 2 samples had been analysed in detail - apparently not. So im not entirely sure how this one is different, but they wanted one done before we see the ferility consultant in April.

So thats really all thats happening right now, and now we go on to the waiting part again......i frikin hate waiting !! it bores the pants off me !

xx

Eugh !

I have laryngitis !! what a pisser....i feel bloody rotten !

I have no voice, well a bit of a squeak but thats it. Lucky for me the ENT guys at work had a look at me today (perk of being a nurse) and they got me started on some antibiotics quick smart, and recommended complete voice rest - those boys know nothing about me at all !

I am trying to preject what voice i have so much that im making myself dizzy and sweating like a lunatic. So now im trying to be good and not talk. I eventually came away from work at 4ish feeling exhausted.

In fertility related news, one of the girls on another ward is going through what we are going through - i have just found out. She is a good bit further on than me and has just had her 3rd failed icsi attempt, that kinda frightened the life out of me !! I have tried to be so positive up until now, but this makes me realise how easy it is to be left with no children at all...it will be nice though to chat to this girl about her experiences and find out more about the process.

Im trying to visualise a nice baby bump, and people rubbing my baby bump and talking to it, im trying to imagine the lead up to maternity leave and the excitement of finding out if its a girl or a boy ..im trying to visualise 2 lines on a pregnancy test other than the false positive i got before christmas - it was a cracker of a bfp let me tell you. I want my mum and davies mum to be buying secret stashes of baby clothes and blankets.....i must stay positive, this is going to work for us - it has too !

xx

Nothing to exciting to report, Our next appointment is the beginning of April and i have sneaky peaked at all the results i have access too. We got a letter from Mr Gynae man saying that the cause of our problems was the high FSH from DF, and that indicated a problem in the testes....no real news there, we already knew. It went on to say he could not offer us any hormonal treatment and that he would discuss this with us at the visit.....im assuming he is going to say im sorry but you definately need IVF .....with ....dun dun dun ICSI !! NO SHIT EH, should i act surpised ?? should i pretend i havent googled the repercussions of undescended testes and knew before him what my treatment plan would be ??.....no, ill smile nice and say please and thank you at all the appropriate parts.

Something funny and annoying happened today !
I get my asda shopping delivered and the wee man started making conversation....

Asda guy - this is a nice area you live at here

Me - yes i love it

Asda guy - its a great area for kids with all this grass (we have a huge grassy bit at the front of our house)

Me - yep it sure is (i so know whats coming)

Asda guy - you have kids dont you ?

Me - Nope not yet

Asda guy - I thought you had one !!

Me - No no none yet (i was really thinking, well you thought wrong mister)

Asda guy - ah well your time will come

Me - (nervous awkward laugh)

Asda guy - I have 3 now, they are bloody hard work, ...... in fact just dont you bother having any they are so bloody expensive

Me - (nervous awkward laugh) thinking - fuck off !

DF and myself had a giggle about it when he went away, Df says i should have started telling him our whole story so far and what our treatment plan was - he would have run a mile.

I think ill shop at tesco now.

He is a nice wee man, but its just funny how people plan out your life for you without having a dandoo (clue) what we are going through.

Good Luck to Caz who has just moved house, Good Luck to all those stimming, Going through Egg collection, egg implantation and the 2ww. In fact good luck to everyone going through this whole rotten process regardless of what stage you are at !

I really wanted to be involved in that sock exchange thingy, but my silly computer wouldnt allow me to email for details. grrr !. xxxx