Wednesday, 30 December 2009
My blogger has been playing up lately, not letting me post and not leting me reply to others !!
Firstly tho - MASSIVE congrats to my mate Caz.......finally she has been given her chance, im so so ecstatic for her. Good Luck for Monday chicka.
Congrats to Murgdan too - a boy....awwww fantastic news.
So whats new with me?
I still need ivf/icsi. No amount of bding during the best time of the month is going to get me in the 'family way'. AF arrived today, I hate the pain she causes me, not to mention the heartache !
We had our first appointment at the clinic a few months back, we are now onto our 2nd and 3rd rounds. 25the January for all the bloods and consents. Then we go back for all the results on 9th February. We could probably start in March but our wedding is on 9th April, followed by a 2 week honeymoon so im thinking we will start end April or beginning May !!
Nothing much else happening. The snow here has been terrible now for going on 2 weeks, we havent seen the ground at all in that time. Christmas was lovely. My sister is now 15 weeks pregnant and all is going well.
Im working right through New Year. tut. If this snow keeps up we could ebter the guinness book of records for plating bones back together !!.
All my consent stuff came in the other week, holy moly !!.....I need to consent to consent !!! crazy stuff.
2010 is going to be my year. Wedding, honeymoon and baby bump in one year
Fingers crossed !
xx xx xx
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
It felt like it took us one hundred years to drive the motorway journey to get there, morning traffic sucks !!
Anyway we got there on time, and negotiated the maze to the ACS Unit ( Assisted Conception Service Unit) and took our place in the waiting room. There was another, maybe, 8 couples there waiting, all ages and from all walks of life, that was evident and I will say no more ! lol.
So a nurse called my name and took me to be weighed and take my height, My BMI is 27.1....healthy weight is 25, so ill take that, im not a kick in the arse away from it and the treatment cut off is 35 so im well under, back into the room to wait.
Later (a good 50 mins later) the doctor called my name, off we popped into the room. We need ICSI...(we already knew that), we have Male Factor, .....(no surprises there lady), we get 2 cycles as we are Lanarkshire patients.....(postcode lotterys are shit but if it will give us a baby then ill take it). We start in Dec/Jan.......(now im starting to get excited) ....and they will put 2 embryos back during each cycle ...(yeeehhhaaaa - fan bloody tastic!!!!)
Yeh so we start in Dec/Jan, much sooner than May which was our initial start date, and I thought since I am still in my 20's I would have to fight for 2 embryos to be transferred , but no, she offered me that little piece of delightful info all by herself. !!
Im delighted, Im excited, im nervous and very scared. Im scared I let this run over my head, I need to stay grounded, this may very well work, and on the other hand it could fail.....i HAVE to remember that whilst all the time having PMA !!!!
Friday, 6 November 2009
So anyways, I phoned up today and yes, that vicious little rumour is in fact true ! At the moment I have been on the waiting list for 7 months.....they will discuss things with us when we go on tuesday, but it looks like we will be going through a wee cycle, all being well, before the wedding !! wooohooooooooo !!
As excited as I am, and there will not be a snowballs chance in hell that i will be holding back on the cycle, but ....
Will my wedding dress fit ??
Can i still go on honeymoon to Egypt ??
Can i fly early in pregnancy ??
Is it going to work for me 1st time...ill still only be 29 !!
shit shit shit. Im excited, im scared, I dont know what the hell I am, but this is a surprise i wasnt expecting!I thought i was prepared, but i was NOT prepared for this !!
I guess ill find out more on Tuesday !!
Damn it, why is tuesday not tomorrow !!!! xx
Sunday, 25 October 2009
1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 6 [any] of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!
The Fun Part
1. Where is your cell phone? In my Jacket Pocket
2. Your hair? Brown and Caramel
3. Your mother? Knitting
4. Your father? Pre-occupied
5. Your favorite food? Cereal
6. Your dream last night? Cant remember
7. Your favorite drink? Diet Coke
8. Your dream/goal? to live a fulfilled life
9. What room are you in? living room
10. Your hobby? farmville on facebook
11. Your fear? losing loved ones
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy and contented with a child
13. Where were you last night? Work
14. Something that you aren’t? Pregnant
15. Muffins? Chocolate
16. Wish list item? Ugg Boots
17. Where did you grow up? Motherwell
18. Last thing you did? Ate
19. What are you wearing? Jammies
20. Your TV? Plasma
21. Your pets? Kitten
22. Friends? tv programme - love it
23. Your life? OK
24. Your mood? chilled
25. Missing someone? yeh
26. Vehicle? Golf
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks
28. Your favorite store? new look
29. Your favorite color? Black
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? last Monday
32. Your best friend? Fiance
33. One place that I go to over and over? Country Baskets
34. One person who emails me regularly? facebook
35. Favorite place to eat? anywhere
Im having connections problems so ill pass this award on tomorrow !. x
Saturday, 24 October 2009
1. Other half handed in his sample on Wednesday to the new fertlity place who will be looking after our care - not after we had a bit of a niggle earlier that week, as he went out and got blotto after the football - the very week we had to hand a test in !! Turns out he may not be coping as good with all of this as I had thought. He hates his job, and although has completed his degree, still has no job with money that reflects his qualifications. He is feeing a wee bitty awkward about the whole treatment/sample things. He doesnt complain, and he isnt depressed, I think he is just struggling with a brick wall at every turn ! The fact that I get tons of overtime in my work to help pay for the wedding and he gets nothing from his place isnt helping.
2. My bridesmaid is going to be 7 months pregnant at my wedding. My bridesmaid is my only sister, she is 22 and the dress for the wedding is hanging in the wardrobe - eeek !
She is super early at only 6 weeks and we havent told many people, I know its safe here as no one I know face to face reads this. Im ecstatic now that the news has settled in - it was unplanned and we were all shocked to say the least...but now I cant wait. I need to take the little madam out and buy her a whole new dress, various sizes bigger than she is just now !! We call her little blob 'nemo', well I did. lol.... she had an early scan due to cramping on one side, all seems fine.
3. We have our first follow up appointment with the consultants at the Roy.al in Glasg.ow on 10th Novemeber, so im looking forward to getting this show on the road.
4. Im 11lbs lighter than I was at the start of the year !
5. Im now brunette instead of Blonde
I think thats you all updated !
Wedding plans are coming along nicely, the material for the chair bows has been bought, i have began designing my invites and i have bought in most of the retro style sweets that im using as favours. I had my first fitting last week and the dress fits perfect apart for the length ( im a bit of a short ass).
So I think thats enough for me to be getting on with just now. Its all happening so quickly and this time next year I will be married 6 months, and I hope to be pregnant !! Fingers crossed !. xx
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Oh has to hand in his sample on 21st this month and we have our very first appointment with the people who are hopefully going to make us a baby on the 10th Novemeber !!
Our first result was 200'000 little spermies/ml, not so good. Our 2nd result was 1 million spermies/ml and our 3rd was 2 millions spermies/ml. At the bottom of our Semen Analaysis sheet it says..
'Criteria for acceptance onto treatment. ICSI - >1 million motile sperm in ejaculate or >1motile sperm recovered from specialised ICSI preparation'. Im nervous !
Only yesterday we were saying how all the wedding plans are helping us put the looming IVF to the back of our minds. That all changed this morning.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
- it may be the darker, cosier nights coming in.
- it may be that my friends are getting excited about my wedding (mainly Leigh, who I spent a while with on the phone to tonight)
- im chilling in my living room with other half and super cute kitty (tinkerbell) , watching 'Cocktail' with a Twix chilling in the fridge waiting on me devouring it with a cup of Tea.
- it may be the other half is so so grateful to me for putting together a spicy pasta bake and garlic bread (it did turn out fab and im proud of it).
- it may be that Carolyne is having very promising symptoms this month and I sooo hope this is her turn.
- it may be that 'Murgdan' was lucky 4, it has restored my faith, i may well be number 4, the other 3 have been lucky and im next in line.
It may be a lot of things.
A year ago now, I was getting blood tests for progesterone levels, i was naive in thinking that we would fall pregnant as soon as we made an appointment with the doctor, after all it happened to so many other we know. In a month from now, we would be given the news from the Dr that we would never conceive naturally, or that it would be very unlikely.
A year ago now 'Contended' would not have been a word I would have thought I would ever be able to use again.
But I am - I really am.
Its a hard road, but others on blogosphere have reminded me it CAN happen, it WILL happen, and for that im grateful and contented.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Friday, 21 August 2009
We are both back to work tomorrow boohoo, but I suppose it has to be done.
Now the break is over the next thing we have to concentrate on is Christmas and the wedding.
oooohhhh the wedding, im gonna have to work super shifts to get saving for this !! eeeek.
The break has done us the world of good, as McDreamy very kindly told me today i looked much better....apparently before the holiday i was pale and looked really tired. Bless him for noticing.
Has anyone tried Fertility Plus for men......?? random question but i may start other half on it if its meant to be good, no harm in trying these things.
4 months till Christmas
8 months till the wedding
9 months till treatment starts
oohhh how the days will fly past.
The health kick and detoxing starts tomorrow i need to lose a good few pounds (like 28) before the wedding and honeymoon and ivf.
So wish me luck !. xx
Sunday, 16 August 2009
And since we are just a wee 2some I'm surprised we haven't been launched yet.
Everywhere you look there are tons and tons of kids, which is fab, and I know people come here because it is so good
and easier than trying to get your 46 kids on a plane but jeez oh, the population of scotland and england MUST be in this park.
It is so family and kid orientated I expect nothing else I just hope to be adding my own kid to the dancefloor to be rocking its socks to 'the revolution' or 'the court of king caractucus' one day. If you don't know what these are I suggest you 'you tube' them. Hilarious.
2some or not we are having a ball. We have our whole week planned out so far, circus tomorroe then pleasure beach on tuesday. With a few wee other things thrown in. Ill update as I go.
No one keeps bubba in a corner.
It took me all my time not to say that last line, but 4 cheeky vodkas down my neck later and my blackberry in my hand and I'm saying it like it is.
We come here twice a year, the digs are free and we know this place like the back of our hand. Its just too easy.
It is your total holiday camp, very dirty dancin style. I'm sure somewhere right now there is a dirty dancing basement happening.
I'm not there tho, I'm home in the caravan with my very own Johnny. Ha. I know your jealous, but seriously don't be.
Gorgeous? Yes he is !! Snake hips?? Far bloody from it !! I'm seriously thinking of booking dance lessons for the wedding.
Its past midnight so its night night from me, we have a date with Mooky tomorrow, he is a clown at the circus we are going to see. Should be fun.
Up until recently this blog has been all about the infertility. Its the one - and only - part of my life that makes me unhappy. I have a lot of good things in my life that has not as yet been reflected in my blog.
I figure since my treatment starts next May that I have a lot of time to talk about and include the good things in life. I love blogging and want to blog much more often but as anyone waiting to go through ICSI knows, its a bloody slow process.
As most folk already know I'm 29 and I'm Scottish. That will explain why I say 'wee' and 'aye'. If you ever don't understand what I'm saying, stop me and ask, ill happily expain.
Okay so what are the great things in my life.
1. I have a fabulous boyfriend, my very own McDreamy, who is gorgeous, fit, and super sweet.
2. I'm marrying that fabulous man in April, after an 8 year engagement.
3. I'm then spending 2 whole weeks with him in a gorgeous 5 star resort in Egypt.
4. We both have good careers. I'm a nurse, specialising in acute care, recovery and extra shifts in intensive care. Gorgeous hubby to be
Works in sport and fitness.
5. We have a gorgeous home, its only part decorated to our own personal taste right now as far too much money is required for this wedding. We will get round to it though.
6. We have thee cutest little kitten ever, Tinkerbell. I didn't even like animals before. But I frickin love her.
So I have a lot of other stuff going on in my life other than wicked infertility. I think maybe its time I brought that out in my blog. I want to look back over my blog in years to come and not sink into a deep depression.
Right now I'm in Blackpool on a week long break with McDreamy. Its like a much cheaper and cheesier form of Benidorm with all the lights of Vegas.
We both love it, we get to just be ourselves and chill out away from all the pressures
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Monday, 13 July 2009
wow i feel like I havent been here for ages !!!!
Firstly I have to tell you that i got buzzed by a wasp this morning - right in the bum !
It was agony. There I was 05.30am, just rolling over to continue my snooze for another while before having to get up for work, when I felt this almighty pain rip right through my butt. I jumped out the bed without even thinking, and there it was walking down my duvet, a frickin wasp - the swine just stung my butt (well, the crease at your butt and the top of your leg - which of course made it sorer the rest of today).....Grrrrrrr
Nothing much else to report for now. Still working. Still saving for the wedding. Working in my uncles pub too which is great fun.
Ohh oh oh, I got a wee letter from the clinic just confirming us as being on the waiting list there....I will hear from them soon for our first appointment !! Woo Hoo..
You may remember it was my friends wedding 7 weeks ago, she had told me she was going to try and fall pregnant right after her wedding...........well she is now 6 weeks !! Now thats impressive. Im so happy for her, but Jeez-oh, what a way to rub it in - lol..!
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Thursday, 18 June 2009
There I was standing in theatre with a junior anaesthetist chatting about where her next post was going to be, which just happens to be where my treatment will take place next year. She was chatting away about the workload there due to having to also cover the Assisted Conception Unit. Just at that Mr Dick-for-a-Brain makes the statement 'IVF should be banned', he continued on (oh yes there is more).....You shouldnt mess with mother nature, if you cant fall pregnant naturally then she is trying to tell you something...your not meant to be a mother !!!!! he continued......most of these kids are born with problems and the labours are terrible !!!
I could not believe it ...I was stunned into silence....I walked away, and then the tears came, big massive tears falling down my cheeks, due to shock and rage. How dare he say that. He has 3 kids of which he has obviously had no problem conceiving. His facts are also terribly inaccurate.
I refrained from poking him with large bore cannula's for the rest of the morning. What an ass !!
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Glasgow Roy.al Infirmary Assisted Conception Unit exists !!
I had a call yesterday, well in fact I had to call them about changes to my details ...... and they confirmed that my treatment will begin in May next year !! Im so frickin excited !
I know its still a long way off.........but.........I have a wedding and a honeymoon happening before that, and a week or 2 after we come back we start the IVF journey..
Aaaaaaarrgghhhhhhhh, our little path is bein laid !! Super excited !.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Thursday, 4 June 2009
I have nothing new to report in the stinky world of Infertility!
Work is still the same, busy busy and the threat of swine flu is imminent. In fact im being fitted for my mask in the morning.
Life is great, my darling other half is just fantastic as usual, and family are all great. Talking to everyone very regular, brothers and sisters, and that keeps me happy!
My uncles have opened a pub in the local area and have asked a few of us to work in it. So as well as my nursing duties Im going to work a few wee shifts in the pub too. I can get a wee dance to the music and chat to the locals and it will be just like socialising ! Ha.
It will also help with the wedding fund.
My band man is booked for the wedding, the diet for THE dress hasnt really got under way. I had the cold for over a week and half and couldnt get anywhere near the running club I wanted to join - grr im so crap.
As for tonight, The utter trash that is Big Brother starts tonight - and i LOVE it, !!
Its my time of night where I can sit down and dont need to concentrate, its my chilling time.
So im off for a shower now and a wee body butter session followed by fake tan and some nail painting - just gilry time in general !! Im excited !!
TTFN xx xx xx
Saturday, 23 May 2009
My other half was the best man, he done a fabulous job, I was so proud of him !
Over a year ago the couple announced they were to be married, initially abroad, and we hesitated on going with them because ........... we planned on being pregnant - ha !!
Ignorance is Bliss !
Here we are over a year later, the wedding passed and no baby or even hint of a pregnancy to speak of - ahhh the best laid plans.
Anyway we survived it without thinking about it - well i did a wee bit, but just a wee bit.
It was the first event I had imagined myself attending with a massive bump - or a tiny little bubba. Anyways thats by the by.
We had an amazing day. It had rained constantly all week. The weather was glorious all day - such a blessing.
The bride was just stunning ! and the groom was dashing ! very lovely couple.
The day went past so fast though its scared me for my own wedding in 10 months. I want to start the day as early as possible now so it lasts that wee bit longer.
Off to enjoy yht rest of my weekend off.
Congratulations S & L. xx
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Thursday, 7 May 2009
This is my new couch, I ordered it in 2 different colours, was bricking it incase it would be horrendous and to some of you it still may be - but I love it, I love to be funky and a bit different and love interior design stuff......excuse the fact I have no curtains up yet !!
This is a wee bustier lady I loved so much I had to have her....I designed and made the canvas behind her, and added some gold roses to the bow round her waist .......Love it. She has pride of place in my hallway !!
I just loved this wine glass shaped vase !!, I jazzed it up a bit and just love it on my window sill !!Ill post another area of the house tomorrow !!
Keeps things a bit interesting - well for me anyway :)...xx
Friday, 1 May 2009
Life number 1 is - up until now - pre occupied with infertility and IVF/ICSI.
Life number 2 is all about the wedding and the honeymoon. And boy oh boy does it make me smile !!
Wedding is decided and is April 9th 2010, honeymoon is being booked on Sunday and we are going 5 Star, Platinum/Luxury All Inclusive to Sharm El Sheikh in Egypt. I kid you not, this place is simply heaven, it looks stunning.
The planning of this is taking my mind (almost) off the IVF/ICSI that should take place immediaely post honeymoon.
So for those 2 reasons im wishing this year away.
In other news, Im a nurse in the hospital in Scotland that is currently 'housing' the swine flu victims - thank you C for your concern, I assure you i will be fine (famous last words- lol).
I hope it settles down and doesnt turn into the 'pandemic' they think it is going to.
Anyways, Im going wedding dress shopping tomorrow and then on Sunday I get to book the fantabulous honeymoon !!! Arrrggghhhhhhhhhh - so frikin excited ! xx xx
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
I had/am still having a great day !! I have been spoilt rotten.
My brand spanking super funky new couch was delivered this morning . A 4 seater, a 2 seater and a SWIVEL chair.....oh yes a swivel, Its super comfy and the size of a single bed lol - almost !
Then other half took me out and bought me a new sabo charm AND another sabo bracelet (Thomas Sabo). His mum and step dad also bought me a charm, and my mum got me clothes, Ie still to see my dad !!
Other halfs mum also baked me cup cakes - so cute and I cant wait to get munching !!
I will post pics soon of my funky couch and Sabo gifts - super excited !!. x x x x x x
Thursday, 23 April 2009
What do I blog about in between ??
Life in general ?? What i have googled and am scaring myself lifeless with, or what im reading that puts me at ease.
Do you want to know about my wedding plans, or how I feel like the odd child of the family, my family appears normal but is really quite messy at times !! In fact I worried about moving to Australia or America for a while as I would miss them so much - not so sure if they would even notice we had gone. There is always a drama of a kind going on that centres around the same members !!
Monday, 20 April 2009
Friday, 17 April 2009
This time last year i would have convinced myself I was pregnant by the symptoms im having this month. Af is on her stinking way, will be here on sunday !!
I feel like death - seriously.
Im either in for a sicky bug or im gearing up for the worst period in history.
All this week i have felt tired - shattered in fact. I have really bad tummy ache and back ache, I have no patience - zilch - nada. Im a crabby cow and i know it, and im suffering terrible bouts of nausea - like car sick nausea, and is hitting me like a ton of bricks every single night. Im hardly eating properly because of it and when i do eat its only helping me feel beter for say 30 mins at a time. I used to be excited by these symptoms - before i knew better that was. I hate the fact AF and pregnancy symptoms are so close, I also miss the excitement of 'what if ?'. Im sorry to moan, im just dreading whats appearing this weekend, a storm is brewing and its shaping up to bea cracker. It shall be called Hurricane Flo.
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Another lovely lovely girl and im happy for her. Seriously I am.
The 2 pregnancy announcements in the last 2 days are 2nd babies for these girls.....I just want one, i would be really really happy with one !!
So thats 2 new pregnancies, and 2 girls heading off on maternity leave ...... wonder what else this week can throw
Cant wait till tomorrow !!!
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Just as my womb is aching from the impending AF that will be inhouse for the weekend, my friend in work is pregnant. Now the other 2 have just gone off on Mat leave and now we have a brand new blossoming tummy !! That will be 3 so far this year.
I am absolutely delighted for her - truly. But seriously - when is it going to be my turn ??
Newly pregnant friend had just been referred to infertility and had just received her letter to go see the clinic a few days ago, the same day as she got her BFP !. Miracles do seem to happen for others.
I wish her a healthy and happy pregnancy.
I just want it to be me !
Thursday, 9 April 2009
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
This is a Lion. (no shit eh !! ) It was from a day at the safari park with our niece and nephew. We had a brilliant day and they had an absolute ball and were spoiled rotten. Not the most exciting photo but hey its the 6th picture in the 6th folder.
So The rules are thus:1. Find your sixth picture folder and in that folder, the sixth picture.2. Post it on your blog with some of the background of the picture.3. Tag four others and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been tagged.
I now have to tag 4 other people .......so i tag.
I have no idea how to rename these links so it just came up with a single name that you can click on. I apologise for being rubbish. xx xx
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Friday, 20 March 2009
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
I get my asda shopping delivered and the wee man started making conversation....
Monday, 23 February 2009
Saturday, 21 February 2009
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Friday, 13 February 2009
Saturday, 7 February 2009
She bought me a gift to carry with me while i go through this 'journey'
An Angel of Hope Card..
No matter what the situation
you must always strive
to hold onto your hope
and you'll feel stronger and survive
For an angel's watching over you
who'll help you
make a start
to recover all the
hope you have thats hidden in your heart.
I think thats lovely, so im passing this message on to any readers of my blog.
Friday, 6 February 2009
Monday, 26 January 2009
This is my Sabo bracelet, i was sure i had one of my Links bracelet too, but i cant find it so thats for another post !
Good Luck for this month Caz, batton down the hatches dolly !!xxxx
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
My great friend Sue sent me a wee message last night ... it was lovely so im putting it here to keep forever it said.....
The lovely girl reading this is beautiful, classy and gorgeous and i love her so much, help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her. She needs you the most and let her know when she walks with you, she will always be safe.
I thought that was lovely, she really is a brilliant friend and im so glad she knows of my situation - she helps me every day !
Monday, 12 January 2009
Sunday, 4 January 2009
What God Meant...
"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones; "just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," or "why can't you just be happy with what you have," or the most painful from the ones who seem to have the good on God's plan; "maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never ceases to amaze me. These same people would never walk up to someone with cancer and say, "maybe God never meant for you to live." However since I am infertile, I am supposed to get on with my life.It is hard to understand why people cannot see infertility for what it is: a disease for which I have the right to seek treatment. What if doctors said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of children to be cripples, live in iron lungs or die." What if they never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was God's plan?Why do I think God gave me infertility? I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up each time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, and to create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility. No, God never meant for me NOT to have children. That is not my destiny, that is just a fork in the road I am on. I have been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I am a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and have greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and deep that when the baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest most refreshing drink I have ever known. While I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never experience the joy that I know awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And, the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility, I already know". - Anon