1 Day To Go

One day to go till i see the back of this shitty month, October 2008 will go down as the worst month of my life ever ....

Things at work were a bit better today, it was pretty busy so there was a lock down on the babytalk... yay !! - i feel like a bitch for saying that cos i love hearing about it usually ....im just sooo not in THAT place right now !

Yesterday ended pretty much how the whole day went and in the end up i cried myself to sleep...its so hard pretending everything is ok, and that im strong, when im not - so clearly, i am not !

In my head i have us getting ivf , regardless of the nxt batch of results...and the 3 cycles failing, for a moment i allow myself to believe it may work and i may even get twins - i would love it !, then i think about how unlucky we have been and i get doubts creeping in !

So anyway, back to today, i was asked why ive been so quiet, quite a few times, people are noticing....fuk.....must try harder to be normal !! I want to say I CANT TAKE ANY MORE ...i cant listen to the baby talk right now....maybe tomorrow or next week, but right now you are slowly killing me - i didnt tho i was an angel

So more positive news, as a way of celebrating the end of this month i have decided im going to have a new me in November !! As of the 1st of November im starting my diet and gym routine...im going to make an effort to try and be a bit tanned up (i start this fake tanning routine but get bored easily), and im going to give myself little beauty treatment often and make sure i have lovely skin for christmas..

Im also getting my hair done tomorrow night...so that will take me nicely into November, which im looking forward to...

So tonight i gave you a more positive post, and can i just say how much i love my DF.....he just lay and cuddled me last night, he has been so worried as im not myself - he took me out tonight, just to the shops and to his cousins and i know it was just to get me out the house for a while !! He is the best !!

Oh this IF shit is not funny !!! - oh and im ovulating this weekend - should be fun !!