From the beginning !!

Exactly 2 weeks ago today i was hyper about the wedding we had just planned and my fabulous fiance and I had made the plans to start a family ! everything seemed so perfect !!

Exactly 1 week ago today our world crashed down round about us !!
I will begin at the very beginning.... (i promise no other post will be this long)...

Im 28, and Darling Fiance is 26, soon to be 27 on Christmas Eve. We have been together for 7 years on Christmas Day (engaged 6 yrs on Christmas Day)and are to be married in Cyprus in May 2010.

I had implanon implant in and got it taken out in September 2007, it was due to come out and we had talked about planning a family. We moved house in May 2008 and decided to start trying for a baby !!
We started our first cycle of 'seriously' ttc in June 2008 (i was already ovulating in May when we had decided)...and so it began, ... symptom spotting ...2weekwait....period.....ovulating.....symptom spotting....2 weekwait......period.....and so on and blah blah and blah ! Naturally we thought we would get pregnant soon, we knew it could take up to a year so were kind of chilled out, apart from the vitamins, the timed baby dance(sex)sessions, the ovulation sticks, the hpt sticks, the cervical mucus checking ...ahem....yeh we were pretty chilled !

So anyway we registered with our Dr's surgery in the new area where we lived he went through everything...(pro-active so and so) and as i had been without contraception for a yr he thought we should have been pregnant by now, i didnt mention that we had only been trying a few months, i thought what the hell, better knowing sooner rather than later if anything was wrong). I suffer heavy painful periods, so endometriosis has always been in the back of my mind .....Darling fiance was born with undescended testes that werent fixed till he was 5 !! (stupid assy hole docs) researching this i have since found it should have been fixed before he was 1 or as soon as possible - so we knew there was a possibility that fertility may have been decreased !

I got bloods taken and the darling one had to provide a semen sample !!...Bloods came back fine...im ovulating...Good. Sample came back - not so good - 200'000 wee guys per/ml ..... so roughly 600'000 total count..sounds like bloody loads doesnt it ??....i mean 600'000 chocolate buttons every other day could get me REALLY fat, but 600'000 sperm cant get me really pregnant.....wtf !! - its a helluva lot ..well apparently its not ...it should be about 20 million.....what a bloody waste considering it only takes one ..(if i hear this one more time by the way i may spontaneously combust). The ones that are there are swimming gr8 and have a good morphology (so they all look fine). Is that meant to be the icing on the cake ??
I cried for 3 days solid and couldnt face eating, every positive thought i mustered up was beaten up and drowned by 2 negative thoughts...but... i have finally pulled myself together, with the help of DF (darling fiance) he has been amazing !... and just when im getting back to some state of normality darling one crumbles..God Love Him !! ......im glad tho, he needed to, and has been slowly but surely better every day too !
So 7 days on im here...i have stopped crying ....so has he.....i am eating again......he never really stopped !!
and another sample is booked in...he is wearing loose boxers, taking vitamins not overheating his area.....he is still not on talking terms with his chooks but im sure that will resolve itself in time !!
We do the test on 9th Dec 2008 and get the results on 19th Dec - Merry Christmas Ho effin Ho !!! Please let it be better !!
Ironically the week we got 'THE' news my lucky bonsai tree died....every single leaf has fallen off. After some tender loving care its starting to get better slowly, it has some new leaves and is coming to life again...Sounds familiar !
I am feeling so much more positive and im sleeping better, its the waking i hate, for that split second where i dont know where i am - life is good- and then i get the familiar lurch deep in my stomach and everything come back to me in a sickening rush, rolling over and swiftly falling asleep again becomes increasingly difficult.

The doctors have mentioned that if the results stay the same we will need to consider IVF/ICSI to become pregnant and have the baby (squirt) we dream of !!