Hogmanay 2008.......thank Fek it almost over !!

Yay a new year starts tomorrow, lets make it a good one !!

Oh and just quickly to pick up on my last post about the 22 month wait for ivf, this is because we get free cycles in the U.K, and its a 22 month waiting list at the moment, we can fund our own cycles and do it sooner, but we arent in a position to do that right now as we are saving hard for a wedding in May 2010! (and by tomorrow i can say im getting married next year ... yay )..

So nothing new really i got my letter from the gyn doc yesterday saying my ultrasound was clear, no problems via ultrasound, i knew that anyway as i had spoken to the receptionist last week sometime but at least i have it in writing now and we can get on with things !

Davie had his op yesterday, Bankharts procedure on his left shoulder, hes a wee sowel....its a really sore op anyway, and involves metalwork getting put in....ouch ! He is grey from pain, my heart goes out to him. I stayed with him yesterday in the hospital all day, it made me realise even more how much we can go thru all this IF stuff, as long as we are together nothing else matters, and if we arent going to be blessed with children then we still have each other, and i couldnt be without him now, my life wouldnt feel the same!! lol i hope he feel the same - im sure he does ...... sometimes...ha !

My boss in work text me today telling me she had given me 2 extra days off, as care leave to look after davie, i thought this was so so nice. Some people really so care!

So 2009 is going to be much more positive for me, or im going to make it as positive as it can possibly be....im gradually weaning out all the bad people in my life and am surrounding myself with positive people, people who care, and people i can rely on. Im glad to say thats most of the people i know, but as always there are a few duffers.

We are going out with friends for dinner tonight - depending on how DF feels obviously - to bring in the bells.

So anyway, Happy New Year to everyone when it comes, to all those still TTC whether it be naturally or with a little assistance from the reproductive fairies then Good Luck and i hope this is the year for us all......and for all those who have their bundles already then , enjoy, and please stick around to keep us all going !

Happy New Year - Welcome 2009.

Angels keep looking after us Please xxxx

Christmas Eve and a Good News Blog !!

Miracles can happen and im being positive !!

Well as per the last blog, we are referred !! Its 22 month wait......deep breathe and dont panic !!

I got my scan results yesterday and im fine, my ovaries and uterus LOOK fine from the ultrasound, and a while ago i got a progesterone level taken and i was ovulating fine, so it looks like im in working order...

Now i know other tests could prove otherwise, but im taking this as a good sign !!

Im happy !!

Just getting organised for santa coming - yes he still comes to my house, i have a great family who still spoil me rotten and a fabulous fiance who spoils me too !

Off to my mums tomorrow for dinner.....cant wait, and im going to relax and totally enjoy it !!

Merry Christmas !. x x x x x

The Results are in !!

Nerves were shattered all yesterday morning, tummy was flipping and i was sure we were going to be dealt another crappy card...after all we havent had much luck with this IF cack so far !!

Left for work and df left for the docs, ...he was going to phone me with the result.

Funny thing tho as i got in the car to get to work my radio came on ... and take thats new song had just started......'Today this could be ...... the greatest day of our life'....i thought to myself 'im taking that as a good sign'.

I drove to work with my phone in my hand, constantly checking that i had a signal, that it was on loud tone...blah blah ...

Anyway around 9.30 am (ish) the phone rings.....Oh God its him !! His voice didnt sound scared or worried.....i breathe out for the first time in about 2 hours. 'Its up a bit - one million'. (im assuming its 1 million per ml....so a good few million in the whole sample..YES...good news....oh and there is more, we have been referred to a uroligist and a fertility specialist .....EXCELLENT!!

This may sound crazy, but after the last results of 200'000/ml i was terrified we were going to go back for a result and be told there is none .... so to be told we have 1 million is good, now we know its still not enough, maybe enough now for a miracle but we still know we need treatment, so to then be referred and get this nasty little ball rolling is great news ! We are pleased...scared shitless but very pleased.

Df told his mum today.....she is upset for us (shes a bubbler lol)... she will be gr8 support tho as will her husband...(not df's dad....hes a tube and we dont talk to him).

So now its waiting times for appointments, both consultants we will see work in the hospital where i work, so im hoping to use my contacts to pull a wee appointment forward. Fingers crossed for that !!

We have a pathway now, IVF/ICSI at Glasgow Royal...i think the waiting list is about 2 years long...that gives them enough time to guarantee the medical advances to be sure i get pregnant - with twins !!! No pressure !

Results Looming, The Flu and Missed Ovulation!

Its been an eventfull week !!

Df semen analysis results are tomorrow morning, (fingers crossed they are either the same or better)..Not so nervous about these ones, we got our shock the last time.

I am LOADED with the flu, its horrible, have been off work since Tuesday, i feel like death..and to top it off i missed ovulation. Due to the muddled cycle of last month i think i should have ovulated at the weekend/beginning of this week...Df was away for a footie night out overnight and then ive been ill so we have completely missed it...

I find we arent 'trying' so hard since being given the results - we still 'try' but not to the extent we used to - dont know if this is a good or bad thing, i think we are just waiting to find out where we stand.

I know they usually like 3 samples before they refer us, but we are going to ask to be referred tomorrow. Df is going in for an op on the 30th Dec, this can temporarily reduce his count due to the shock to his body from surgery so the nxt set may not be accurate and im not waiting another 3 months.....we figure if we are referred its gonna take about 16 weeks before we see anyone anyway, so we can have another sample fitted in while we are on the list to be seen....Waiting times are getting longer and longer so i would rather be on that list now !!

Will update tomorrow .... **keep everything crossed please **

Ultrasound Sadists !!

Well i got my ultrasound today !!

That is an experience and a half....bladder must be full i was told !!

Bloody Hell

..

So drank like a fish and headed on round to ultrasound ...... by this time my back teeth were floating !!..I lie down and she pours freezing gel on my tummy....holy mother of God ..i really need to pee now !!!!....she sits the probe on my tummy and i ask proudly if my bladder is full enough for her....Not really she replies.....what does this woman want, cos i will pee her bed any more of it ....

Whoops too late......she prods that probe right into my tummy.....why the hell would u do that to someone who really needs to pee !! beatch

And then to top it all off she finished up and said 'results will be back to the doc in a week'....WTF ...i need more info than that lady ...

So i probed a bit more and asked if she would have been able to see cysts there....she said she would have ... but it looked fine.....thats it........ what looked fine?? my ovaries, my womb, the wet patch on my trousers from where she pushed too hard...my belly button piercing !! Come On Lady !!

The leaflet says....ultrasound with a full bladder please... sounds easy enough!!

What it should say .... Ultrasound with a full bladder, altho we wont be happy with how full ur bladder is anywayand to rub sat into the wound we will make u look 4 months pregnant..we will then attempt to make u pee ur pants with the freezing cold gel we will aim for ur lower tummy.....and if we fail to humiliate u then we will poke a probe into ur tummy till u pee ur pants.........we will then finish up and send u on ur merry way none the wiser and with a wet patch !! Charming lol..

It was actually ok....

Ah well results in a week (ish) and davies results on Friday !!

In nicer news my gr8 friend bought her first house today !! Congrats babe ...xx

The Bratz !

What a weekend, during a moment of madness we decided to take our niece and nephew overnight , they are 5 and 4 !! and usually hyper !!

They are a lovely wee pair, but are kinda used to getting their own way.

Nephew took the huff constantly when he wasnt allowed to do what he wanted which was to play the playstation, and the wii and the nintendo ds all at the same time !!!! he played it from he came home at half 5 till after 8 with only his dinner break in between...far too long as it was but he wasnt amused when it was time to top playing!!

Niece was appearing as an angel until she tried to swipe food from her uncles plate.....lol...silly girl,.... anyone knowing my other half knows how much he loves his food and how much of a cardinal sin this was !!

Then it was bath and bedtime...the usual hysterics about soap going in the eyes, and a slip and an almost burst chin ended the nice bubble bath !

Then they were asleep ahhhhhhhhh...

Then they woke......05.50am ! both of them !! Holy Moly, its Saturday Morning !!

We told them it was too early for a film to go on and to go back to sleep....finally relented at 06.50am and the film went on !! and they giggled and laughed and screamed and fought and banged each others heads off the wall, meanwhile i was holding davie back from banging down the wall, lol lol !

They were up and having breakfast by 08.30 am, and so were we!!

...and it began again....Nephew in a huff at not being able to play all 3 computers, Niece making sure i was dressing her little brother properly!!

Niece 'i dont think u have put pants on my little brother'

Me 'of course i have'

Niece 'well i cant see them, and he likes pants on under his jeans'

Me ' i assure u little 5 yr old girl, that there are pants on your little brother, who by the way is 4 and would alert me to the fact he has no pants on !!!!!!!!!!!'

Niece 'well i cant see them'

Me ' well u dnt really have to, as long as i know they r there'

Niece 'and are u going to put his socks'

Me 'what'

Niece 'well i mean he loves his socks on, and my mummy always puts his socks on'

Me 'nope im just going to let him run about outside in the ice in his bare feet'

Niece - gasps and walks away ensuring she remembers every word of the conversation to relay it to mummy when she goes home.......she loves telling tales'

At one point davie turned to me and said 200'000 (sperm count) seems like a really good number to me, in fact maybe a tad too many !!!

Oh no they have put him off !!!!!!!!

In between all this, we did have a nice time taking about Santa, and their santa letters even came through the door, and doing sums and spelling tests and fashion catwalks and silly stories, but they are hard work !!

It was so nice to hand them back and just have quiet again....

Im thinking its just because they arent ours and we would do some things differently with regards to their behaviour and their demands if they were our chidren .....

They have me worried that i can handle kids like them, and yet i adore kids!!

Im probably over analyzing the situation !

Prayer for Motherhood

O good St. Gerard, powerful intercessor before God and the Wonderworker of our day, I call upon thee and seek thy aid. Thou who on earth didst always fulfill God's designs, help me to do the holy Will of God. Beseech the Master of Life, from Whom all paternity proceedeth, to render me fruitful in offspring, that I may raise up children to God in this life and heirs to the Kingdom of His Glory in the world to come. Amen.

Perks of the Job !!

Im a nurse for anyone who doesnt know ! There arent many perks to our job, but one of the ones we do have are faster appt times IF you know the right people..
I work in Theatre/Recovery, so i get to know all the surgeons from all the specialities and all the anaesthetists - they are the dudes who have the ability to knock u off to sleep with one syringe of white 'milk' !! I love them - they are my fave...
Well after my dodgy cycle this month the fabby Mr Gynae man told me he was going to get me scanned....bearing in mind i saw him a week ago today, without an appointment and before his surgery started, and its usually 16 weeks referral from GP to Mr Gynae man meeting.....well..... got a letter in yesterday and my scan is a week on Monday !! How frikin fast is that !! well chuffed..

DF is having to have a shoulder op (Bankharts procedure - for those in the know) agony.. yes !!....He was having it done in another hospital local to us, but when i mentioned to one of the surgeons i work with, he asked if he could see him 2 weeks ago for a consult and now he has a date for surgery at my place.....on the 30th of this month !!!! Now thats service for you - Good old NHS !!
Like i say we dont get many perks - but if ur sick its a gr8 place to work!!
Next SA tests due in on tuesday !! Pray hard for lots and lots of swimmers !!!!.

30 % ............

Trying to be positive ahead of the next set of SA samples and results.
On reading a bit more of icsi, im so so pleased to have this option if needed.....the chances of conceiving in any cycle is 30%....doesnt sound gr8 does it ???

30 %...hmmmm...!! almost one third ! Like a 1 in 3 chance !!
-I suppose i spend a third of my day at work ....it feels like a hell of a lot.....
-If i ate a third of a choclate cake i would feel quite sick ...
-If i was told i had a 1 in 3 chance of winning the lottery i would be frikin delighted ...(fingers crossed my baby will be my lottery win !!)
I MUST think like this.....and not be negative.......

I had a feeling or a thought the other day (unusual for me ..i know lol)..
When i was with my ex (for 5 years), no matter how hard i tried i could NEVER ever imagine our future i could never imagine living with him or being married or having children. Within a few weeks or maybe a month or 2 into meeting davie i knew so much i wanted to be with him and could totally imagine living with him and marrying him !! i could actually visualise this in my head !!....well the other day i was watching tv and suddenly had this vision thing in my head of davie creeping in the door after work asking if the kids were in bed ...notice i said kid(s)...not long after wards it happened again.....we have a massive living room window and its been snowing here....i imagined a wee toddler jumping up on the couch and looking out, banging and making messy hand prints on the window !!.....im so hoping that my feelings towards the future are true and something to cling onto....i really believe i will be a mother one day, we might just have to go the long way round !!

Happy 1st December !!

Not long till Chrimbo now !
Ohhhh and another thing excited me today - af came !! now normally us infertiles and all those ttc HATE the sight of the old bag, but im ecstatic....my cycle is back on track !! woohoooo.

Anyway back to the tummy aches and wanting to eat crap, but at least my system is returning to some kind of normality..

So im going to enjoy the run up to chrimbo and eat and drink and be merry ...lol.. and after new yr the diet and exercise regime will begin....i have the wedding to organise and 2 weddings to attend not to mention getting in optimum conditon for the impending ivf/icsi, i know its not gonna be for about another year yet, but no harm in getting organised.....

Caz, i hope u get ur answers soon.....ur keeping calm very well !. x x x x