Sneaky peeking causes anxiety !!

Yeh so im not such a smart ass after all the sneaky peeking ive been doing - not that it will stop me of course !!

One of the results have come back DOUBLE what it should be. My darling fiances serum FSH level is 24.something. It should be under 11 i think ....... and apparently this indicates a testes problem. Now we know about this already, we have gorgeous sexy little swimmers, just not enough of them, so this is no shockarooney to us. Here is my problem.....

I love google, google as educated me no end, google brought me to this blog and made me write even when i was at my lowest after finding out that sex doesnt always make babies ...but....google is giving me conflicting advice. Google suggests that men with a high FSH cannot father their own babies as the sperms are not good enough quality due to the teste failure.....and then after i freaked out accordingly and started reading everything available on this shitty little subject, goodle updated me with the fact that doctors really shouldnt carry out the test anymore, with the invention of the godsend we call ICSI this problem is eliminated and the best ones are chosen and loads of men with high fsh have fathered babies with some assistance, and that there are many forms of teste failure and some of them including the undescended teste one that df had as a child means the little guys are perfectly normal there just isnt enough. ! - why couldnt it have directed me to this little piece of info first !!! tut.

I have another worry.....(i hope you are all sitting comfortably and ready to relax me with expert opinions)...my heart literally sank when that blood test came back...i dont know why but it did, and now im bricking it for the chromosome test and the cystic fibrosis one...i dont think that even if these came back as bad results it would alter out treatment plan..hmmm...would it ?? does anyone know?? why the fek do i have to wait another 5 weeks to find out.

Bugger.

xx

Sneaky wee peek !

Im a bad nurse....i used my powers ( well my username and password to the labs results) to have a sneaky wee peek at the blood results that will be back already. They looked ok so far, all within normal limits with the odd one or two slightly above or below, but not enough to make a huge difference.

I wonder if they will know i looked !!!

Still got a few results to come back, im sure they will be back by Monday..(ill sneak another peek)..and then the bigger ones are at York.hill so i wont get them at all - damn it- and they are the ones im most intrigued, nervous and shitting myself about (cystic fibrosis and chromosome ones)..ah well only 5 and a half weeks to go until we get those. fuk.

xx

p.s - period from hell is here a few days early..the thin lining they said i had, was a lie im sure, as its escaping continously with great pain and discomfort...judging by the pain im in, my womb will be falling from my foo foo any minute now - au revior - can you tell im pissed off !!

1st appointment done & dusted !

Well today was appointment day !!

Our first proper infertility appointment a a couple - and it went well, really well and the nurses/lab staff were lovely.

So we went into a wee room where we were asked a few qusetions and the dreaded height and weight done, it was fine and im fine and im not a massive heifer who cant get ivf due to fatness...i was dreading that lol, i sucked in my tummy and stood up tall hoping and praying i was almost levitating !! ill keep going with the healthy eating i still want to lose a bit more.

Anyway, enough rambling,after we both got grilled about lifestyle and how often we have intercourse - how rude lol - we got taken to the doodlebug cam room. Df got to watch as doodlbug took lots of pictures, he wont be doing it again he says, he thought it looked like she was hurting me - bless. The nurse thought one of my ovaries looked slightly polycystic but as my periods are regular she thinks its most probably not relevant, she also thought the lining of my womb was a bit thin considering im just about to come onto a period, again she didnt feel this was a massive deal as it may thicken over the next few days.

We got taken from there to another room where we were asked even more questions and got blood samples taken - enough to feed dracula for a very long time let me tell you. Holy moly we are getting tested for everything. Df is getting the tests for cysic fibrosis and chromosome testing, i dont know why but i feel a bit nervous for those. We have to go back in 6 weeks to see the consultant when all the results will be back and then we will be referred to Glas.gow Ro.yal.

We then went for a nice breakfast before i went to work. So all in all it was a good day !.

xx

Even better news !! - the NHS pulled it out the bag this time !!

so i took myself of up to the infertility floor of the hospital where i work to confirm the appointment they had given me for March, and to cancel the duplicate one they had obviously mistakenly given me in the the hope someone else gets it and gets a wee surprise letter in the door !!

I got chatting to the lovely lady at reception and she truly was lovely, along came the nurse, who incidentally was the nurse i have the appointment with who was also truly lovely - result. They told me to keep calling every week to see if there was any cancellations and they could get me in quicker - i was falling in love with these ladies - lol.

So to cut along story short, there i was recovering my patient when the phone goes, its for me, and its the reception lady at the clinic, she is offering me a cancellation, she went out of her way to find me a cancellation and phone me and offer it to me.......and its on Thursday, as in THIS THURSDAY... i am so excited and so pleased and so grateful. **note to self, buy these ladies some chocolate**..

So while this lady is popping the doodlebug (as it will fondly be known) into my womanly area and taking some photos (transvaginal scan), i will still be loving her, as she got me the doodlebug appointment a month early, which means we get to start this journey a month earlier. Im excited. .....can you tell ?? xx

My Valentine .

As its Valentines Day, My fantastic other half chose the image for my blog - how sweet.

Love is in the Air..

My great guy bought me tickets to a wedding fayre being held today - i had mentioned to him a few weeks back i didnt think he was interested in any plannng of the wedding as I was being left to do all the work (not that i mind and itwasnt a nag it was just a statement - the big give away was the blank looks i got when i mentioned things like flowers and table linen). So while I thought he wasnt too interested he went and ordered tickets for us both to go to this show - how sweet. It was excellent and we got some nice lunch too.

It was a welcome change to have my head and thoughts entirely filled with something other than baby madness and IVF. Im excited to start planning all the wedding stuff im not looking forward to paying for it ...eek.

In other news..Ja.de Go.ody has been given a short time to live due to her spreading cervi.cal ca.ncer. I know many people dont really like her. I do, and always have. I like people who wear their heart on their sleeve and get in trouble as they dont put on a show when paparazzi are around - and thats just her to a tee. So my prayers are going out to Ja.de and her family, especially her 2 young boys.

Oh and my diet starts on Monday after the realisation i will be getting WEIGHED at my IF appointment - fuk !.

xx

Something to report !!

We have an appointment to see Mr Infertility Guy - well actually its his nurse but at least we have an appointment !!

March 12th !... yay.

Im excited, i dont know what will happen, probably not much but still im excited.

Well i do actually as ive read the leaflet about 5 times. I have to get a scan (transvaginal...eek) and they will take a medical history and height and weight .....aaarrrghhhh, MUST lose weight, even a few pounds would help.

We both know nothing major can be done for us at this hospital, we need to be referred to Gl.asgow R.oyal, as thats where the magic happens (IVF/ICSI) !

Anyway we are on the road, before we were just standing at the kerbside waiting for a wee opening to let us on, but now we are on it - hopefully it will be rush hour and not traffic jam !

Caz, keep ur chin up honey it will happen.

xx

Sue - the angel !

Sue is a great friend of mine, we work together and have become very very good friends, and i hope she in my life for a long time to come.
She bought me a gift to carry with me while i go through this 'journey'

An Angel of Hope Card..
it reads......
No matter what the situation
you must always strive
to hold onto your hope
and you'll feel stronger and survive

For an angel's watching over you
who'll help you
make a start
to recover all the
hope you have thats hidden in your heart.

I think thats lovely, so im passing this message on to any readers of my blog.
xx

Im Ovulating !!

Yep in sure am, ovulating. Definatley- absolutely - no doubt about it !!

Oh yes now that we are 'infertile' my body has decided to let me know big style when im ovualting, like its teasing me as it knows i can do feck all with that little egg travelling down my fallopian tube right now. Back 100 years ago when we were actively 'trying' (God i hate that phrase) i had to pee on an opk just to know. I had no tummy niggles, no tiredness and most of all no ewcm...i had no idea what those four letters even stood for, and i was certainly not owning up to eggy jelly stuff coming away from my foo foo. But now i could put any damn chicken to shame, i produce more egg white than a battery hen farm, and i most certainly feel the niggles in my tummy. So why now does it decide to do all this ? Am i more in tune with my body? Am i more relaxed now i know we need 'help'? Either way im pissed off !!

I suppose i should be glad im ovulating every month not thats its any good when we have cack spermies, but at least we have one less problem to worry about !!

Ho Hum, Never mind. I just had to get that off my chest !.

xx