Its my birthday and ill cry if I want too !! ....

...but I didnt !!
I had/am still having a great day !! I have been spoilt rotten.
My brand spanking super funky new couch was delivered this morning . A 4 seater, a 2 seater and a SWIVEL chair.....oh yes a swivel, Its super comfy and the size of a single bed lol - almost !
Then other half took me out and bought me a new sabo charm AND another sabo bracelet (Thomas Sabo). His mum and step dad also bought me a charm, and my mum got me clothes, Ie still to see my dad !!
Other halfs mum also baked me cup cakes - so cute and I cant wait to get munching !!

I will post pics soon of my funky couch and Sabo gifts - super excited !!. x x x x x x

What now ?????

Its kind of odd. Up until now I have blogged about the planning and testing phase of the IVF/ICSI treatment. I blogged about the initial upset, and where we went from there, up until today where we have a treatment plan, its 12 months away and all we can do is wait...
What do I blog about in between ??
Life in general ?? What i have googled and am scaring myself lifeless with, or what im reading that puts me at ease.
Do you want to know about my wedding plans, or how I feel like the odd child of the family, my family appears normal but is really quite messy at times !! In fact I worried about moving to Australia or America for a while as I would miss them so much - not so sure if they would even notice we had gone. There is always a drama of a kind going on that centres around the same members !!

Also this blogger thing is messing up lately...if i press enter to start a new paragraph it shows a wee flashing cross where the arrow should be and sops me from writing ..its a Royal Pain on the Ass.....

Ill have a wee think about what i can do to fill the blog until the treatment, I dont want to just leave for a year, I know i will fall out of the way of this and wont come back...

Hmmmm Decisions ....

xx xx

If you ever WANT your period to come ...

.......take a pregnancy test !!!!! Yep im almost 2 days late and I have a wee drawer which holds my internet cheapie pregnancy tests, so i thought ...what the hell......it will be a laugh. Needless to say it was BFN, did i expect anything else - did I hell. Im not that lucky. Sure as shite, the pee stick cant be passed the U-Bend yet and I have the bloody staining. Oh yes I POAS and the haggard old fucker arrives. I remember this used to happen when we were 'trying', the regular old way, guaranteed the minute you pee on a stick the red flow would arrive !!! Bitch. Well she will be here full flow by the morning - the cow that she is.

This time last year !

This time last year we had decided to try and conceive for serious (with opk etc), in the months before hand we had just been casually trying - you know as you do !!
This time last year i would have convinced myself I was pregnant by the symptoms im having this month. Af is on her stinking way, will be here on sunday !!
I feel like death - seriously.
Im either in for a sicky bug or im gearing up for the worst period in history.
All this week i have felt tired - shattered in fact. I have really bad tummy ache and back ache, I have no patience - zilch - nada. Im a crabby cow and i know it, and im suffering terrible bouts of nausea - like car sick nausea, and is hitting me like a ton of bricks every single night. Im hardly eating properly because of it and when i do eat its only helping me feel beter for say 30 mins at a time. I used to be excited by these symptoms - before i knew better that was. I hate the fact AF and pregnancy symptoms are so close, I also miss the excitement of 'what if ?'. Im sorry to moan, im just dreading whats appearing this weekend, a storm is brewing and its shaping up to bea cracker. It shall be called Hurricane Flo.

......and just keeps screaming

Yep.......another day closer to AF arriving ....... and another work pregnancy announcement.
Another lovely lovely girl and im happy for her. Seriously I am.
The 2 pregnancy announcements in the last 2 days are 2nd babies for these girls.....I just want one, i would be really really happy with one !!
So thats 2 new pregnancies, and 2 girls heading off on maternity leave ...... wonder what else this week can throw
Cant wait till tomorrow !!!
xx

And so my womb screams .......

News for today........
Just as my womb is aching from the impending AF that will be inhouse for the weekend, my friend in work is pregnant. Now the other 2 have just gone off on Mat leave and now we have a brand new blossoming tummy !! That will be 3 so far this year.
I am absolutely delighted for her - truly. But seriously - when is it going to be my turn ??
Newly pregnant friend had just been referred to infertility and had just received her letter to go see the clinic a few days ago, the same day as she got her BFP !. Miracles do seem to happen for others.
I wish her a healthy and happy pregnancy.
I just want it to be me !
xx

Yesterday

Yesterday was the important appointment day !!

Urologist is happy there is nothing outstanding wrong with D. The undescended testes as a child has caused the trouble - no doubt about it !

And as for the Infertility dude, WE ARE ON THE WAITING LIST !! yay yay yay.

This is a massive step forward for us, so why did I feel the need to have a wee cry to myself last night. ??

I phoned the Clinic where we will be seen and at present we should reach the top at April 2010, a year from now. We are due to be married abroad in May 2010 - we may have to try and pull this forward a bit but thats another story !

The consultant didnt say too much more, just that we are on the list and just have to wait to be seen, we require ICSI treatment as we already knew.....but....... our GP told us there was low count with good quality, consultant told us we have low count and poor quality, ....he did say this was to be expected and that GP probably told us a wee bit of good news to soften the blow . I think thats why i bubbled, im nervous knowing this information.

He has given us his email address for any further questions.

We can receive 2 treatments on the NHS !.

I was a bit down last night, it feels so final and although its great i got a bit weepy.

My mam sent me a wee rhyme today ... its beautiful...

Your label says - Made In Heaven Because your an angel.

Handwash only - because your fragile.

Cold Iron - Because we dont want to burn your wings.

Handle with care - because your a Limited Edition.

Happy Easter Weekend everyone !!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day we see the consultants. The urology consultant and the fertility consultant.

Tomorrow is the day we will probably be referred to the Glasgow Roy.al for our IVF/ICSI treatment.

Tomorrow is the day that a big fat line wll be drawn under this process and we will move forward and onto the next step.

Im shitting myself for tomorrow.

I should be pregnant by now.

Its been 19 months since the Implanon inplant was removed from my arm by the very same man im seeing tomorrow regarding our infertility - theres irony for you.

We have a wedding next month - gorgeous other half is the best man, in my ignorance I convinced myself I would be pregnant for this wedding, I imagined I would be sitting there swollen ankles and all and rubbing my tummy whilst beaming with pride as he gave his best man speech.

But it wasnt to be ......

Instead

- we are waiting to be impregnated by doctors - the god thing being that we will see our 'baby' before it gets transferred into my womb !! no fertiles can say that eh !

- we are labelled with infertility, and God forbid anyone mentions babies around us, wow that might push us right over the egde.

- we are dealing with the ..when will it be you ? questions and the 'dont worry you will be next !' statements.

- we are left in limbo as to when we will get to the top of the NHS waiting list, 2010 sometime

and most of all we are left wondering if this will even work for us full stop.

- we are left to take our lives appointment by appointment as opposed to day by day.

Thank goodness we are solid as a rock.

Thank goodness I started this blog, so many people are going through what we are going through and its great to read the story and see that life really does continue when faced with something as horrid and vile as infertility..

Its nice to give and receive support and prayers at this time in our life.

I dont have enemies, but if I did I wouldnt wish it on any of them.

So will the sun come out for us tomorrow ? Fingers crossed. xx

Hes A boy !!!!

Hello.

We got the blood results from the chromosome and the cystic fibrosis tests on DF today.

He is a boy !! Woo hoo ! He is so proud....lol

His chromosome test and CF test came back normal - relief.

Its another wee weight off our shoulders

We have our consultant appointment next Wednesday - 8th April, and now today we got a urology appointment the same morning. So its all go for next week.

xx