Holly and Macis First Year 2011-2012.wmv

wow, its been 2 and a half years........

So its been a while.......My last post was an early Scan report !! A very early scan report. Whats happened ...I got busy... stupidly busy and now im kicking myself for not keeping a note of all the goings on for the last 2 and a half years.
Quicky run down .... i carried the girls to 38+1, it wasn't easy, i lost an ovary at 14 weeks pregnant, got SPD pretty quick after and then lost my gallbladder just after i had them !
I was booked in for a C Section on 15th February 2011. Holly was 1st, 6lbs 9oz at 11.30am. The came Maci 6lbs 2oz at 11.32am. Both perfect !
ill try and add a video i made for them then that's you caught up with a year ........

A sneaky wee 6 week scan !!!!

I had a check up today regading my OHSS and the decided to give me a cheeky wee scan.......Im having TWINS !!!! We cant believe it, we are absolutely ecstatic.
We couldnt see too much on the screen as it wasnt the proper monitor, it was an older one used to scan ovaries. But there were 2sacs and we could see little blobs and the odd little flicker which she said was the start of a little heartbeat, she was sure. We are dead on 6 weeks and have to go back in 2 weeks for another scan. We are so excited and so so pleased !!
TWINS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xx xx xx

Does the worry go away ??

Im 5 + 6 weeks pregnant. I have 2 embies on board and my scan isnt until 8 weeks pregnant.
Everywhere i read im reading about miscarriage and no heartbeat by the time ladies get to their scans, it just seems to be everywhere. I joined the february birthboard on a baby website and almost every single post was bad news, my heart goes out to these poor ladies, but im really in no frame of mind to keep reading about it all and ended up removing myself from my birth club. My symptoms are still present, i have sore achy boobs, im tired and sleeping for hours in the afternoons, and the usual crampy pains that everyone talks about early pregnancy. I cant touch sweet stuff, its turning my stomach and i can smell things from miles away haha.
Im still swollen from OHSS and moving about is slow and i think its maybe getting me down a bit. Im desperate to just be full of excitement, and while im excited and grateful i remember that im still early and get filled with nerves.
Is this normal do you think ?? Given what we all have to go through im thinking it probably is, and having to wait 4 weeks from my positive test to have a scan its bound to heighten the nerves.
When does the worry stop ??
xx xx xx xx

Half way through !!

Well the first week of my 2ww has flown in, considering most of it was spent in hospital !!
Im not sure what im feeling in the way of symptoms or whats the settling from the ohss,
Either way, im crampy low down in my tummy and through to my back, to the point i could easily be convinced my period is coming today !! I am absolutely roasting, sweating and clammy at the slightest bit of exertion and i usually get that right before my period and throughout it. I am starving !!!!! I literally started making a pasta bake from scratch at 11am....and ate it as soon as it was ready at 12 !! All i had in my head whilst lying down after inserting my pessary at 10am was steak pie !!! im hungry. Probably due to the poor food in hospital !!
I dont want to be symptom spotting, but given the events of the last few days i dont feel so confident about a good outcome, i was so sore and swollen everything in there must have got squished !! Any wee symptoms give me hope that something could be happening in there. All down the sides of my boobs are sore !!!! I know thats the progesterone though !!
Ohhhhhh this time next week my blood test will have been done !!!!! xx xx

Admitted to hospital for 4 days !

I got home from hospital today and still feel just lousy !!
I was diagnosed with OHSS and a bladder infection.
I know many people say OHSS is a good indicator of a bfp, but this is usually associated with late onset OHSS, usually when the embryos are implanting (please correct me if im wrong), mine was early onset and started probably before EC and got worse right after it and worse again after ET.
So today im 5dp2dt. Ive had some niggles/nippy feelings down below on and off and a it crampy as well as the OHSS discomfort. I am so nauseated im home with cyclizine tablets .... obviously im putting this all down to the OHSS and infection and not symptom spotting.

Embryo Transfer :)

Hey Ladies well im just back home.....Im smiling from ear to ear as i have just had 2 Grade 1 Embryos transferred.
So now im in the state of PUPO !!! WooHooooooo !! (pregnant until proved otherwise)
I know i still have a long way to go and this 2ww is gonna be horrendous but if this doesnt work its purely bad luck since we have 2 beautiful embryos.

Send all the sticky dust in the world this way !!!!! xx xx

Fertilisation Report !

We had 8 eggs collected yesterday,
of those 8 eggs, 6 were good enough to ICSI...
and 3 have fertilised this morning !
We have our 2 to put back tomorrow afternoon.

Doesnt look like we will get any frosties, but im relieved with that result and excited to have 2 wee embies on board !!

Fingers crossed and sticky dust for me and everyone else at this stage !! xx

Egg Collection

H ladies, thaks so much for ur well wishes....
Im not even going to lie, i was and still am in agony ..... my left ovary was tucked behing my uterus and caused a lot of problems and required a lot of digging. I got 8 eggs in total which im really pleased about and am keeping everything crossed they are all doing well tonight !!
I have had morphine and all sorts of painkillers today, the shoulder tip pain is horrendous and i cant straighten up at all.....the hospital admitted me and wanted me to stay overnight but i would just rather recover at home !
EC itself was fab, i was sedated and dont remember a single thing .. just remember being woken and told i had 8 eggs.
Have to phone tomorrow morning at 09.45 to see how many have fertilised
Im nervous !!
xx xx

Triggering at 9pm !

Well as the title says im triggering in half an hour !!! WooHooooo
I took my final sniff at 6pm and my final injection at 6.30 pm, and im triggering at 9pm !! eeeeeek !!
Im also going to have a protein shake as the nurse told me to have a high protein diet over the weekend. Im not doing the hot water bottle thing this time round as i have so many follies i dont want to encourage any more lol.
As of 9pm ill be drug free !! xx xx

Follicle Scan Done and Egg Collection Booked !!

What a day ive had !! Im excited and need to keep everything crossed.
Had bloods and scan done at the clinic this morning and all is looking well. I have 9 large follicles on the right ovary with 5 smaller ones and 8 large ones on the left ovary with 4 smaller ones. so 26 all in.
The clinic called this afternoon with my hormone result which is 5310. I have no clue what this means (anyone?) but she said it was really good. I have to take my trigger shot on Sunday at 9PM and Ec is booked for Tuesday morning. They have warned me that if more than 20 eggs are collected they will fertilise them and freeze them and then mak me wait 6 weeks before egg transfer due to the high risk of OHSS. i know how lucky i am to have responded well and i know it doesnt necessarily mean geat quality eggs so i feel bad for hoping there is less than 20 eggs collected..
Im so excited today. xx xx

Birds in the loft and a Rosy Graden !

Written 29th May 2010.

Day 3 of Stimming today, well it will be when i give my injection at 18.30 tonight !! My last 2 have passed without any problems !!
It took me a long time to decide when to inject myself - do i do it first thing in the morning ? oh but what if i sleep late. Okay ill do it in the afternoon right at lunchtime - oh no wait, that would mean taking my drugs and having to inject in work....does that look as though im drawing attention to myself ?? Hmmm, okay ill do it before bed - oh dear God noooooo i cant stay up past Eastenders these days !!.....okay so dinner time it is. Who knew decision making could be so complex - is it the drugs ??
And whislt on the subject of tiredeness.......i was in the blissfull happy sleep this morning when i was so very rudely awoken (is that even a word - awoken ?) by the sound of the 'few week old hatched birds' in my loft....Jeeeez they are loud. I did have a few thoughts on how best to get rid of them, none of them very humane, however they must have tottered off on a flying lesson right now as its gone quiet !!
So all going well so far, apart from the short fuse, the tiredenss and the bruised belly, all is rosy in this garden !! :)
Mwah xx xx

We've only just begunnnn (how many of you are singing the carpenters to that line.

Written 28th May 2010.

We are currently undergoing our first cycle of ICSI for Male Factor Infertility. My new husband had undescended testes as a baby and the stoopid ass doctors decided to wait until he was 5 before they operated on him, and when they did, they stitched his little chooks down causing trauma. We now have a very low sperm count and hence the need for ICSI. So now you know. Im a brand new 30 year old...and hubby will be 29 this year.
Our treatment started on May 9th 2010 and i am currently successfully down regged and 1 day into the Stimming process - how fun. Down Regging for me was okay, i was very tired and a bit headachy, had some flushes and a severe dry mouth....nearer the end of the down regging i felt like i had a short fuse much to my families amusement, im the chilled out one in the family, but the overwhelming urge to ram people with my trolley in asda or bounce a 4 pack of andrex quilted of their noggins when they just stand and chat in the middle of the aisles was almost unbearable.
I gave myself my first injection yesterday, ..... im a nurse so that part should have been easy. Its kinda different when your jagging yourself....i lost count of the times i went...1-2-3- go...and then didnt. 10 minutes i sat doing this until i finally decided the drug was going to be out of date and of no use to me if i didnt just get my ass in gear.
So its the holiday weekend and hubby is off to Magaluf till Wednesday for his friends Stag Party and i get to chill here and relax and inject myself daily, and not drink, and probably not sleep and cook for 1 (oh how i hate cooking for one) and tak my vitamins - jealous ? me? Never !!
So thats my Journal started. Lets see if i can keep it updated !. xx

Somethings happening !

I took a break from here for a number of reasons.
1. I didnt really have any new and interesting news.
2. For some stupid reason i cant comment on everyones blogs, i think ive done something to my settings and i cant fix it ! Fuk !!
3. I have a new facebook addiction and seem to be spending lots of time cyber surfing in that direction !

Anyways..... In the time ive been away we got married, we had our honeymoon and the swines through me a surprise 30th birthday party !! ...........and...............we have started our ICSI treatment.
Im currently on Day 15 of Down Regging and have my baseline scan on Thursday of this week. Im praying I can start Stimms then. Theatre is booked provisionally for the week of the 7th of June.
Down Regging isnt much fun but could have been worse. I have had headaches, some flushes and some sweats through the night. None of this helped by the fact i got a bot of the cold right after the injection. Tut.

I promise to update more regularly !!
xx xx xx xx

Final Appt before treatment - Done !!

Today we had our final appt before treatment starts. We had results of bloods and a treatment plan.
HIV, Hep B, Hep C - all clear on both sides.
I had my AMH tested (we are male factor so i havent really had a great deal of tests done - i was shitting myself) .....my AMH is through the roof at 53.5 !!!!!! The normal is 5-15. Now this can be an indicator of PCOS but my ultrasound scan ruled that out. The Dr did say that if i was overweight I would maybe have problem periods, but I dont really. The Dr also said my Ovarian Reserve is excellent and the high AMH is mainly due to my young age (29). There is a high chance I will respond well to stimulation, but could over stimulate, so ill be on a lower dose treatment. I have a higher chance of getting a good amount of eggs and an equally higher chance of developing OHSS !! Talk about a flip side !!

Im happy, its not bad news (I dont think). If anyone reading this knows about AMH levels please inform me good or bad about what you think of my level !!

They want us to start in 2 weeks time which is my next period, but we get married in 8 weeks so im going to hang fire until after that time !!

Excited !!!! xx xx

Back to myself !

Ive been miserable the last few days, downtrodden, gutted and a real misery guts !!
But today im getting back to normal.
Im thinking more weddingy stuff and less baby stuff !!

Im so excited about the wedding, im excited to be married, im excited to get loads of new and lovely photos of family, im excited to dance the night away with all my friends and family and im excited to get on a plane and piss off for 2 whole weeks with my beloved HUSBAND !! aaaahhhhhhh

Oh Oh Oh I also got into the Sock it to Me thingy right here on blogger - excited.com. I love socks !!
For anyone who reads this and doesnt know its where bloggers are allocated a fellow blogger to send socks to, socks that will be worn to provide comfort and just let you know someone is thinking about you. I will wear mine to appointments and while my legs are in the stirrups !! wooopityyyy !!

Im half a pound away from losing my first stone !! Im doing well - or at least I was until AF showed up.....she wants me to have chocolate and curry.......so far she is winning !!. xx

Consent - Done......Bloods - Done ......Me - Done !!

I cant explain this feeling ........I feel deflated ....totally deflated !

We had our appointment today at GRI ... (ICSI Clinic). It went well. We both got our bloods done - HIV, Hep B, Hep C and i got my hormone levels checked. As a nurse i am a teeny bit worried i may have 'picked something up' in the hospital. I havent ever given it much thought until im being tested, but lately we have had a stream if IVDA's, and most lately Anthrax patients due to drug abuse. Its a stark reminder of what we deal with !!
We signed our Consents and are good to go pending our results which we go back for in 2 weeks.

We asked today about df's sperm test results from last time we were there as we had never been given that information - <1million/ml with only occasional motile sperm seen. This doesnt sound good, it doesnt sound good at all. Now we knew this, hence the reason we are on the ICSI pathway but up until now we hadnt been told about the motility part. I now worry that this will be a big dampener on the success of our ICSI.
Will it put us at a disadvantage ?
How many is occasional ??
What if i get 8 eggs but they only get 3 or 4 sperm ??

Golly, its caused me a bit of a headache today !!.....and now im worrying.

I dont have time to worry, I have a wedding in 9 weeks - MY wedding, MY honeymoon and im leaving this to deal with when i get home. They will offer me to start during next months cycle but im going to hang fire till i get home from honeymoon !!
The internal examination and high vag swabs have left me a tad achy and irritable tonight !! tut.


oh and while im ranting why wont blogger let me reply on other peoples blogs ?? xx xx

Im still here !!

Good Evening.
My blogger has been playing up lately, not letting me post and not leting me reply to others !!
Firstly tho - MASSIVE congrats to my mate Caz.......finally she has been given her chance, im so so ecstatic for her. Good Luck for Monday chicka.
Congrats to Murgdan too - a boy....awwww fantastic news.

So whats new with me?
I still need ivf/icsi. No amount of bding during the best time of the month is going to get me in the 'family way'. AF arrived today, I hate the pain she causes me, not to mention the heartache !

We had our first appointment at the clinic a few months back, we are now onto our 2nd and 3rd rounds. 25the January for all the bloods and consents. Then we go back for all the results on 9th February. We could probably start in March but our wedding is on 9th April, followed by a 2 week honeymoon so im thinking we will start end April or beginning May !!

Nothing much else happening. The snow here has been terrible now for going on 2 weeks, we havent seen the ground at all in that time. Christmas was lovely. My sister is now 15 weeks pregnant and all is going well.

Im working right through New Year. tut. If this snow keeps up we could ebter the guinness book of records for plating bones back together !!.

All my consent stuff came in the other week, holy moly !!.....I need to consent to consent !!! crazy stuff.

2010 is going to be my year. Wedding, honeymoon and baby bump in one year
Fingers crossed !
xx xx xx

THEE Appointment !!

Well it was today ......THE appointment was today.
It felt like it took us one hundred years to drive the motorway journey to get there, morning traffic sucks !!
Anyway we got there on time, and negotiated the maze to the ACS Unit ( Assisted Conception Service Unit) and took our place in the waiting room. There was another, maybe, 8 couples there waiting, all ages and from all walks of life, that was evident and I will say no more ! lol.

So a nurse called my name and took me to be weighed and take my height, My BMI is 27.1....healthy weight is 25, so ill take that, im not a kick in the arse away from it and the treatment cut off is 35 so im well under, back into the room to wait.
Later (a good 50 mins later) the doctor called my name, off we popped into the room. We need ICSI...(we already knew that), we have Male Factor, .....(no surprises there lady), we get 2 cycles as we are Lanarkshire patients.....(postcode lotterys are shit but if it will give us a baby then ill take it). We start in Dec/Jan.......(now im starting to get excited) ....and they will put 2 embryos back during each cycle ...(yeeehhhaaaa - fan bloody tastic!!!!)
Yeh so we start in Dec/Jan, much sooner than May which was our initial start date, and I thought since I am still in my 20's I would have to fight for 2 embryos to be transferred , but no, she offered me that little piece of delightful info all by herself. !!

Im delighted, Im excited, im nervous and very scared. Im scared I let this run over my head, I need to stay grounded, this may very well work, and on the other hand it could fail.....i HAVE to remember that whilst all the time having PMA !!!!
xx xx

Holy Moly

I heard from someone who is being treated at the same clinic as me that the waiting list had dropped...from 14 months to 7 months. Im interested to know why, but for now im taking peace from my own thoughts that since everyone is falling pregnant on their 1st cycle, its making more room for the rest of us to have a wee chance !! lol.

So anyways, I phoned up today and yes, that vicious little rumour is in fact true ! At the moment I have been on the waiting list for 7 months.....they will discuss things with us when we go on tuesday, but it looks like we will be going through a wee cycle, all being well, before the wedding !! wooohooooooooo !!

As excited as I am, and there will not be a snowballs chance in hell that i will be holding back on the cycle, but ....
Will my wedding dress fit ??
Can i still go on honeymoon to Egypt ??
Can i fly early in pregnancy ??
Is it going to work for me 1st time...ill still only be 29 !!

shit shit shit. Im excited, im scared, I dont know what the hell I am, but this is a surprise i wasnt expecting!I thought i was prepared, but i was NOT prepared for this !!

I guess ill find out more on Tuesday !!
Damn it, why is tuesday not tomorrow !!!! xx